Day 7: Recommend Favorite Book

My favorite books are:

1. Falling in Love with Prayer

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CTTO

If you want to know more about the power of prayer, this book is good for you. This helped me so much with my Christian walk. Not only understanding the importance of prayers but it’s also a way to fall in love with your Creator. I thank God for this book ๐Ÿ™‚

2. Living Courageously

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CTTO

I had years of extreme sadness, let us say I experienced depression. God healed me, the Lord used people and books for me to get up again. This book was a very helpful tool for people who live in fears and doubts. If you think you cannot do anything anymore, you’re wrong. It is good to ‘not give up’ and find ways to get up, again. Be brave!

3. Shopaholic Series

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And if you want to laugh out loud, Sophie Kinsella is my favorite author. This was introduced to me by a friend named Leah ( we have the same name, though! We’re both kikay HAHA) I love Sophie’s book. OMG! She’s very humorous. There was one time, I read one of her books from morning to midnight, she’s just adorable, funny and witty that I was really into it. So, if you want to laugh, her books are for you.

30 Day Blog Challenge

Thank you for reading up to this point. I am trying to catch up with the days I missed for the blog challenge. No stress! I am just doing this for fun, I am glad I could write something today.

Have a joyous day!

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DAy 6: Pet Peeves

Top 5 Pet Peeves

Okay, let me be honest with you. I am not that good in vocabulary. I am still learning and I am not afraid to say it. HAHA So, I googled it:

Pet Peeve
noun INFORMAL
plural noun: pet peeves
something that a particular person finds especially annoying.

1. Show-Off

This really irritates me. Especially nowadays on Social Media. I don’t like when people post about how good their life is. Don’t get me wrong. I am not insecure and jealous about their lives. I am not against about social media posting. Everyone is free to do that. I love seeing good stuff also from my friends and family, their success and achievements. I would really be happy for them.

But what annoys me is when you post with the feeling “I am all that” Like.. there is one time I saw a post where she posted every single branded item she has, with the captions telling everyone how great her life is. I am happy for her if she has a good life, I mean it, but I don’t think it is necessary to post expensive material things. Again, I don’t want to look like I am jealous or insecure. To be honest, God blessed me with things I couldn’t afford, they are gifts and presents. I am thankful and content.

But I just find it annoying when people are showing off.

But then again, I don’t know who they are, their experiences and past, so who am I to judge them? right? So yeah. Post whatever you want. In the first place, it’s your life. It’s your call. Let’s live in peace! HAHA

2. Being Controversial on Social Media

Posting negative talks about someone else just for you to look great is really annoying to me. Like.. really! You don’t have to post your disappointment with your partner, husband, wife family or whoever. Talk with them, dang it!

Just to get sympathy from others? NO!

Let me tell you this! If you have a problem with your husband/wife boyfriend/girlfriend, Please be matured enough to talk with them privately. You don’t do that on social media. You don’t tell everyone how miserable your partner is and how good you are. It annoys me so much. For real. You’re just embarrassing yourself.

Like for example, now you guys are not okay, after telling people the negatives and then after few days, you guys are sweet? Really? and then REPEAT.

But then again, I don’t know the reason why people are being like that. There’s always a story behind our behavior and personality. So, I choose not to judge.

3. You’re always Right

People who made mistakes, obviously and still don’t want to accept correction is WOW! They always have the reason why they are right. This irritates me.

But I will just shut up, back off! You’re always right. Enjoy!

4. People who says LOL but not laughing out loud.

5. People who cross the street like a model.

Omg! Be considerate, the driver gave you a chance to cross, please walk fast!

30 Day Blog Challenge

To my 16-year old self

Hello there! ๐Ÿ‘‹

It is okay to not be okay, sometimes. What is not okay is to be afraid all the time. The “what ifs” and “but’s” hinder you to pursue what you really want to do. You should go for it. You should learn to risk. The thing is, you are very careful, so afraid to make mistake.

Mistakes make us human. It is okay. We learn from them. You must be brave to face all your fears. Because the truth is everyone feels it, the only difference is… they do it afraid. So do it! Search it and pursue it.

Stop pleasing people. Stop thinking how and what people reacts on your decision. It is your life you are building. What they say don’t matter. You should listen to what your heart say. Be confident. Be fearless.

But in fairness, I love how you love God. You gave everything to Him, you want to follow what He wants, though you struggle, you still choose to obey Him. Your heart at this season to His is on fire. Your plans in life are just plans but you make sure that those are pleasing to Him. Your passion in serving Him is amazing and I love that about you. Though you are unsure on what the future brings, the only thing that hold you up is the line “I trust you, Lord” and believing that He will take care of you. That’s what He does. That’s who He is.- our loving Father.

Stay in Him.

I was stocked in this challenge, because I think I wasn’t that confident to say these words, I had to reflect. And yeah, whatever! Say it. ๐Ÿ˜‚

Wish someone told me all these things. Wish I was brave enough to pursue what I really want to do. Wish I was confident and believe more in myself. I believed in God but I was lacking of confidence. Does it make sense? Haha But this is in the past, life goes on and I have learned a lot. The truth is, we still have time. Age is just a number. Do what really your heart is telling you. Just Do it…. Afraid.

๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’ช

30 Day Blog Challenge

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Day 4: Describe Your Relationship

30 Day Blog Challenge

An Answered Prayer

“I remember kneeling down and praying to God. I was tired of childish and vain relationships. I asked God to give me a godly wife who loves Him above all else, who is able to love her husband and help raise godly children.
God, please let her be a Filipina, and help us to love each other the way you want, to grow in you together.” God taught me to seek Him first , to set my affections on things above and to serve Him. About a year later he let me meet that woman. – Rowin Brandon

“I was earnestly praying to God to show me and send me the one whom He created just for me, my lifetime partner. I wasn’t desperate but I really wanted God’s will to be done in my life. I had composed a prayer song that time and there is a part that says “I want to meet that man who loves God more than I, who tries to do the will of God. I want to wait for him and be with him for the rest of my life.” God taught me to focus more on Him, seek Him and know Him deeper. While chasing God he led me to this man. I knew from the moment I first saw him that he is the one I would call MINE. I could even hear God whispering to my ears “My Princess, he is the one” –Princess Leah

This was written on our wedding invitation. Proudly telling our love ones and friends that God made a way for us to be together. God is good all the time.


Day 3: What Is Your Love Language?

I’ve learned this Five Love Languages during my younger years. It helped me discover myself and others. When you understand someone’s love language, you are able to adjust easily.
I’m not gonna lie, it’s not that easy all the time. It is truly difficult to adjust to someone unless you learn that person really well.

The Five Love Language is a book written by Gary Champman.

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Quality Time
  4. Physical Touch
  5. Receiving gifts

Why is it important to know these things? If you are struggling with your relationship, knowing this helps you adjust to love the right way.

When I did the test few years ago when I was single, my highest score was Words of Affirmation.

I just did the test today, this time I did the test for couples. And guess what? It’s still the same. HAHA I thought I’ve changed a little bit but it’s still my highest. Words are life to me. KIND words I meant.

Here’s the result and the explanation : (from this site)

Words of Affirmation

” Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important โ€“ hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.”

If you want to get my heart, tell me endearing words. This way, I may feel love by you. I remember telling my husband when we were still dating few years ago, when I get mad, just tell me “You’re beautiful”, we’ll be good. HAHA So he knows what to do when I get mad, he will start telling me good things and tell me how he appreciates me. Guess what? He never changed. He still the same.

This is my love language. I feel really loved if someone compliments me, appreciates me by telling me wonderful words. And this also kills me, when you say hurtful words, I will remember it and will be really be in pain. I can’t just forget it easily. I am sensitive in this part.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

Woahh, So, this is now my second. Before, my second to the highest was Quality time. When I got married, mostly of our disagreements and discussion is who do the household chores. I got mad if I will do it alone. Since, we are both working. It is good if we help each other with all the household chores. And thank God, when we talked about it and scheduled the task for the day, he cooperates. And I really appreciate him especially now. He really helps me a lot, when he sees me so tired, he doesn’t want me to do anything. He will do them for me. Thank God for him.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there โ€“ with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby โ€“ makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Love this time with him, as well. And whenever we have the same off day, we tell each other “I’m glad I could spend time with you” AWWW I melt (Words of affirmation pa rin diba? HEHE)

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face โ€“ they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Though this is not my highest score, I do not neglect this part of a relationship. Every language is important to exercise.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous โ€“ so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Last but not the least… Gifts are awesome! But this part of our relationship isn’t my thing. HAHA It is great but this doesn’t affect me that much emotionally.

Here’s my result:

Scores

11Words of Affirmation
8Acts of Service
7Quality Time
3Physical Touch
1Receiving Gifts

It is important to understand every love language so you will know how to express your love to your partner. This doesn’t only apply to your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife, it could also express to any kind of relationship – friendship, family, parents, workmates etc.

Feel free to test yourself. What’s your love language?

Take the test here.

Love Matters. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for being here.

30 Day Blog Challenge

Day 1: 20 Random Facts About You

Day 2: Your Bucket List

Day 2: Your bucket list

30 Day Blog Challenge

Image result for quotes about bucket lists

I am actually sharing this in public. whooaa! HAHA It’s kind of uncomfortable but if this can inspire someone, well I am willing to. We are all allowed to dream dreams, to write goals and achieve them. No rush, no pressure, take your time and just enjoy the journey.

Personal Development

Get your body in the ultimate shape at once in your life
Join a Singing contest
Learn how to swim
Learn how to drive
Get a driving license
Be truly happy
Overcome my shyness (sometimes!)
Have a perfect teeth
Be CONFIDENT
Find my passion in life

Carreer

Learn how to speak Papiamento ( un tiki so (a little bit) )
Learn how to speak Dutch (een beetje)
Learn how to speak Spanish
Learn how to speak French
Find a job you love or create the job you love
Take a class you’ve always wanted
Study again
Be a great writer
Have a music Album
Have a business

Adventure

Spend Christmas on the beach
See the Solar Eclipse
Sky Diving
Climb a mountain
Ride a horse
Sleep in a 5’star hotel
Find my own secret spot
Learn how to surf
Release a paper lantern/floating lantern
Camping on a beach
Wall Climbing
Ziplining
Rapelling
Sit on a rooftop
Ride in a limousine

Christianity

Feel like the happiest person on earth
Leave inspiring notes for people to find
Send a message in a bottle
Leave a positive note on someone’s windshield
Go on a mission trip
Tell little kids about Jesus
Worship like nobody’s watchin
Read the entire BIBLE
Write a worship song and sing it at church
Reduce my negative thoughts
Take a homeless person out to dinner
Read the Bible in a year
Use your travels to glorify God
Memorize 365 verses in a year

Events

Go to your favorite Christian band’s concert (Kari Jobe ‘The Garden”)
Drive-in movie theater
Meet my celebrity crush

Relationship

Fall in love
Get Engaged
Get married
Help him pursue his dreams
Grow old with someone I love
Take a cute kissing pictures in a photobooth
Be kissed unexpetedly
Say “I do”
Write a letter for your husband and open it after 10years
Be woken up with a kiss
Have sex in a hotel room HAHA, why not?
Have sex in a cruise LOL ๐Ÿ™‚
Travel alone with your husband

Family and Kids

Have a baby
See my baby take their steps
Write a letter for your baby (open when she/he’s 18)
Make an email for your baby and write letters,
pictures and give the password when she turns 18
Raise a child with a heart for Jesus

Travel

Set a foot on all continents
Go to Disney World
See the Eiffel tower
Travel by yourself
Travel by train
Go on a cruise (again!)
See a real castle
Travel to Europe
Travel to South Korea
Singapore
Visit Bethlehem/Israel
Walk on the Great Wall of China
Visit the 7 Natural wonders of the World
Attach a lock to a Love Bridge
Visit the walk of fame
Put a piece of gum on the gun wall in Seattle
Take a picture with the Hollywood Sign
Love lack in Paris
Visit the original starbucks in Seattle
See the Statue of Liberty
Travel to USA
Visit the 50 States of America

Achievements

Read the top 5 novels of all time
Write a book (Try!)
Publish a book
Be an extra in a movie
Watch sunset at the beach
One week challenge -Early devotion at the beach
Start running everyday in one month
Hold a baby Panda
Finish an entire coloring book
Disney Movie Marathon
Complete a Scrapbook
Say ‘Yes’ to everything for a full day
Have a notebook of favorite quotes/quotes from Book I read
Have a list of 100 Books I’ve Read 
Have a summer job
Get a college degree
Go on an entire day without using technology
No social media in a month (or more)
Be in a magazine
Compose my own song
Read every C.S. Lewis novels
Memorize the countries/ world map
Photo shoot ๐Ÿ™‚ Model! At least once. HAHA
Dutch Passport

Creative

Learn how to play guitar
Learn how to play piano
Learn how to play bass
Learn how to play drums
Learn photography
Write a letter to myself and open It in 10 years
Get a tattoo
Learn how to play Ukelele
Take a photo everyday for a year
Create a memory box & open it years after
Learn Calligraphy
Use a planner consistently for a year

Financial

Own a house
Own a polaroid camera
Own a DSLR camera
Own a portable printer
Have a walk-in closet
Have a music room in the house
Have a prayer room in the house
Have a craft room 
Go shopping in NYC
Have my own personal library in my house
Image result for quotes about bucket lists

Thank you for reading! Be free to share yours. ๐Ÿ™‚ What’s your bucket list?

Day 1: 20 Random facts about you

1. I love Korean dramas

I do love how they write them. Mostly, they’re love stories. When it comes to love, they’re kind of pure. They have 16 to 21 episode per show. You know, that feeling that you want them to just kiss already, HAHAHA you’re already in episode 15 and there’s nothing. And that’s kind of excite. I am not sure if their culture is really like that, conservative (I doubt it!) but no matter what, I love Korean shows. They’re funny and cute ๐Ÿ™‚

My top 3 favorites:

  1. Descendants of the Sun
  2. K2
  3. Boys Over Flowers (HAHA when I was younger)
  4. City Hunter (is good too. ansabe 3 lang e!)

2. I’m Ambivert

Let’s not confuse ourselves, It’s known that introvert are the quiet ones, shy and private while extrovert are the outgoing and talkative. Well, I can be both. It’s called ambivert.

Ambivert: Someone who exhibits qualities of both introversion and extroversion.

I love going out and be with people and I also want to have quiet time with myself at times. It depends upon the situation, and my mood?. So I guess, I am in that category – ambivert. (I maybe write more about this one day!)

3. I have a sweet tooth.

Chocolates. ๐Ÿ˜‰ If I could eat it everyday, I would. I still care for my health, trying not to eat so much. My favorite chocolate is Hersheys Cookies and Cream. whooo!

4. Scrapbooking

I remember my younger years, even I am so tired from school or work, when I get home, scrapbooking was my way of releasing stress, I guess. My grandmother wakes up in the middle of the night and she will find me in the sala cutting all these scraps, papers and mess around. HAHA I still collect specialty papers and stickers!

5. Sanguine and Choleric

I have these two temperaments. Sanguine is positive and optimistic. Years went by, I should say, I really changed. There were years in my life here in Aruba that I was so negative and depressed. I considered them trials and challenges. I know that I am still a sanguine in a unique way.

Choleric are the bossy ones, bad tempered. Woooaah! Some people misunderstood me the way I talk. I don’t mean any thing bad or directly hurting someone by my words or the way I talk but yeah choleric people are known as ‘heartless’. I don’t admit I am heartless, though because I do have a heart. It’s just some of my actions are being misunderstood because one of my temperaments is choleric. This is not bad and it doesn’t define you.

The four temperaments are: Sanguine, Melancholy, Choleric and Phlegmatic.

I love talking about this personality with people, you know? It is also fun to observe them and learn their temperaments.

6. Journal /Planner

I write my thoughts and prayers. It used to be everyday but now that my time is not that managed well, I don’t always have time for this. I do browse different layouts in journaling and planning creatively. I am using Mini Happy Planner now and I also have a Travel Journal.

7. Calligraphy

I only learned this online. ๐Ÿ˜‰ for free. Nowadays, it is easy to learn new things through internet. Google is our best friend and Youtube is our university. HAHA

8. Collections

I love to collect scrapbooking materials, washi tapes, and brush pens.

9. Worship Leader

I grew up in a Christian family and I love worshiping. God has been great for bringing me in the worship ministry. I’ve been doing this more than 10 years. And I will forever worship HIM.

10. Netflix

I love watching movies and series.

11. I’m Princess

Whenever people found out my name, they’re like ‘Wow, your mom must love Star wars’ Yeah. You got it right!I never watch it, though. My name is Princess Leah.

Note: My sister’s name is Queen and my brother’s name is King.

12. I love God

I am not religious. I just love the fact that God wants to have a relationship with us. I thank Him for what HE has done on the cross and I am forever grateful for His unending love.

13. I’m short.

I’m 4’11.

14. I have small feet.

It’s difficult to find my shoe size so I usually go to kids stores. I’m 33 years old, though.

15. I look younger than I am.

No comment.

16. I can cook Polvoron

My husband is helping me now, this is difficult than I thought. I am in 16th. 4 facts more.

Polvoron is one of Filipino deserts.

Image result for polvoron
CTTO : Google pic.

17. I like to sing.

Anywhere. Everywhere. HAHA

18. I sneeze without control

And LOUD! HAHA I don’t know why I can’t control it. They said you can but doesn’t work with me.

19. Tambourine Dance

I started this ministry at church when I was 12 years old. I dance with tambourine. I taught some kids here at church.

20. No tattoos

I would love to have one. One day!

Finally! Done. HAHA Thank you for being here. Till’ tomorrow ๐Ÿ™‚

30 Day Blog Challenge

Hello there, people! Happy month of May! How are ya’ll?

This is my first time doing a blog challenge. I have always wanted to make time for blogging but I’ve been busy these past few months. I still think about it every time.

This will help me discipline myself to really do what I love to do. And this is one of the things I really want to make time for.

Anyways, going back. While reading some blogs, today (finally, had time for that!) I found this post from Shairamaec.

But originally made by The Dani Chronicles.

Thank you for posting this. Definitely participating.

CTTO

Let’s do this! Thank you for your time reading this. Join me as I discover myself by the these topics.

Have a great day!

Day 1: 20 Random Facts About You

Day 2: Your Bucket List

Day 3: What’s your Love Language?

Day 4: Describe your Relationship

Day 5: Letter to 16 year old YOU

Just Pause for a While

I was in the car, a song in the radio was playing and I realized something.

โ€œSometimes you just have to pause for a while and listen to what God is telling you.โ€

And you realized that life isnโ€™t about us. Itโ€™s truly all about Him. I still remember the days way back in the Philippines ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญย where I was so into knowing Him more, wanting to go deeper and deeper. Like I donโ€™t care about anything else, just โ€œgive me Jesusโ€

I was passionate in serving Him. All I care is doing what He wants me to do. I do care for people to know Him and experience the love of God. But itโ€™s different, now. I admit. People nowadays are so busy in their lives -job, career, love life, business, studies etc. Oh wait!…plus social media.

It does take over our lives. Pre-occupied with so many things and sadly, we donโ€™t think about Him all the time. Ouch!

We have to pause and go back to your first love. The song lyric says

โ€œ… You can have all in this world, just give me Jesusโ€

I miss HIM. And I miss myself going deep to His presence. I longed for it everyday. I remember when I used to sing praises to Him, worship Him every single day. The best place I’ve ever been – in HIS presence. Where there is no doubt and fear there, only joy and peace and LOVE. That’s where we supposed to be. Even in the midst of darkness, being with HIM is just wonderful.

God never leaves us, that’s the truth. The challenge is.. to make room for HIM, to give time for Him no matter how busy we are.ย 

It is important to pause for a while and think about our priorities. Life on earth is just short, we are just passing by.ย  This is not our home. Make room for what is important, know HIM deeper.ย 

Just one of my favorite worship songs say “The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more I find you, the more I love you”

God’s love is the best LOVE among any other love in this world. So, loving HIM is the best decision we could ever make.ย 

Pause and think about HIM. HE thinks about us all the time.

O God! I just miss you. I apologize for not making you my priority. I will make it up to you. Thank you for being patient with me.

If you can’t say it, write it.

I’m kind of inspired to blog today, which I haven’t done like in ages. Wish I have all the time in the world to write every single day. I always want to write about something randomly, but I just end up not doing it because, at one point, I worry so much about how people will handle or look at how I write and view things. And it also because there are so many things to do that I couldn’t get any time to do this. But it is always in my heart to express myself, my thoughts through writing. If some point, I could inspire someone through it, I would love to keep doing this.

“You’re deep.” I’ve heard this a lot of times. I usually show the jolly part of me but for some, like the closest ones, I instantly share my deep self. Or let me say, I am a very open person. I guess? I trust people easily and I get to share my true self if I feel comfortable with a person. Or simply, I am an open book. If you follow my past blogs, I shared mostly about my personal stuff. And I don’t feel bad about them, I think I don’t mind if people will judge me? I just don’t care, anymore. Well, I did, before. But now I don’t care. This is one of the things I am passionate about, I feel better when I do this and this keep going because I love doing this – writing, blogging.

I am writing to express myself not to impress someone. I feel like I am a different person when I start to type my thoughts and put my heart into it. Hmm. different person? I said it wrong, actually. I am being myself. Those words that I couldn’t say, thoughts that continually screaming on my head. I couldn’t say them so I write about it.

I am not gonna boast but I think I am a good listener. When someone is sharing serious things to me, I am that person who just tries to put my feet on their shoes. When I was a youth leader in our church in the Philippines, I have heard a lot of painful stories, heartaches, breakdown, family problems, financial problems. Gosh, name it. Anything under the teenage lives. I and my sister somehow became their counselors. Do not get me wrong, I love doing that. Not that I love the pains they’re going through but the part that I am that someone who can listen when they needed it.

Listener. For many years, I was one of the people they run to when they are going through tough times, and I am flattered. I thank God for the strength and wisdom and for the trust they have given me. Up to today, there are some of them who still remember me and keeping in touch even I am miles away. And I appreciate it, thank you so much! I do not want to sound I am the kindest person in the world ever, please do not get me wrong. I was grateful for the Lord gave me the chance to be their encourager and like a loving ate to them. (ate is an older sister in our language, Tagalog) because these kids, I am telling you, they just need someone to listen to. Someone who understands how they feel. That’s all. You win their hearts.

But with all honesty, at one point in my life, I got tired and burnt out. People look up to you, they think that you are always strong, that you are not allowed to be weak, you are not allowed to make mistakes. You try to help to make them feel better but they never have seen you struggling. They don’t see you weak. Because you are known to be that someone who will make them feel strong. It wasn’t me actually, it was GOD. I was just letting Him used me. God’s grace is just sufficient, and I am forever grateful for that. I do not want to be a bother to anyone, so I chose not to share my weaknesses. I chose to handle them on my own and just simply give them, surrender them to God. God comforts but let’s just be real here, I am human. I am imperfect.

That’s when my love for writing begins. I let my heart out through my writing. Besides from singing my voice and lungs out, HAHA I love to write to express myself – the jolly one and the weak one. It’s not about having a dual personality but I am just being who I really am. I struggle too, I cry too, I get angry too, and most of the time, I couldn’t say my words bluntly, I write them out. And it feels better. I just feel free.

I started blogging a few years ago because of the feeling that I am not being heard and understood. And in here, no matter how bad I am at this, I feel like I have a voice. I had moments when I couldn’t speak it up, they were screaming on my head and then I felt better when I wrote about it.

Today, I want to share the part of me that is about to explode. I am being bullied. And I don’t like it. Who would like it, anyway? I can’t say it because I am avoiding trouble but it honestly bothering me these days. Even though I said it to some and thought I am not affected or don’t care anymore, a part of me is kind of sad. But to be positive about it, it toughens me. To not worry how they treat me, is a tough one. right? For a sensitive person like me, it is not easy.

Living in a foreign country isn’t easy either. When you have to strive harder to live on the island legally, when you accepted any job including being a maid even you are a degree holder, even you finished your college, you have a diploma. You just have to keep going to be legal and abide by the law. When they step on you, you let them because you couldn’t stand for yourself, you just have to swallow it, cried it out and move on the next day. When you are being yelled at because you couldn’t carry an item three times or four times heavier than you, and accused of getting their things.

And recently, when people look down on you because you don’t speak their language when they don’t want to work with you when your colleague tells everyone not to speak English with me and tells you how terrible I am for living in the island for many years and I don’t speak it. Rolled eyes.

Let me tell you, I understood and I speak it a little. They can’t expect me to speak it fluently. And the job I have right now, I talk mostly to English speaking clients. I am not trying to justify it, I know I have to learn it, it’s just it takes time. But I am being judged, looked down and bullied because I am not local.

“You don’t belong here.” a voice telling me.

It’s sad because they don’t even know me. But what is the saddest part? I let them. I allowed them. I let them step on me. I let them look down on me because I avoided confrontation so the result is, I am not myself. I cry my eyes out, I am hurt and it feels like I am the one who did something wrong. I am writing this because it is not about them anymore. It is me. It is me to toughen. I have to stop them there. I have to learn to stand up for myself.

I won’t let anyone look down on me, step on me. ANYMORE. It has to stop.

On the other hand, a person who is so mean has something rough going on in her/his life, full of hatred and insecurities. I pity those people. But this is not an excuse to treat other people bad. We all have to grow up and learn from experiences. This is so hard for me to say or do but I will pray for them. IF this is something I can only do so they will encounter God’s goodness in their lives, I will do it. I will try my best to still be nice no matter how they treat me.

For them: I don’t expect you to be my friends, just respect me as a person. And It’s enough.

Lastly, don’t mess with a person who loves to write.

Life on earth is ephemeral. Do what makes you happy!