I always wanted to write something about love. I just don’t know where, when and how to start. So, I am here typing and letting my heart out. Everyone wants to be loved, right? We long for someone who can be there to understand and accept who we are, spend quality time with us, embrace our strengths and our weaknesses, someone who can see beauty in us, someone who brings the best in us. That feeling of being accepted and loved is the best feeling ever.
But…to love is another story. Do you really know how to love? Is the love you think you are showing to your partner, friends, parents, family or any relationship you are with the right love, the right way of love? I will ask you again, do you really know how to love?
When I was younger, I got easily fall to someone I don’t even know. I had a lot of crushes (which is normal, I guess ! HAHA) I remember someone who broke my heart without him knowing because I got frustrated because he didn’t like me. I had a crush on him for a long time. I wanted to be liked, be attractive to him and be loved. I even thought that I would be the most happiest person on earth if he will be my partner. I do believe that everyone went through this kind of feeling. Puppy love. I was high school back then.
You started to feel ugly, not beautiful, unaccepted or unwanted when the person you like doesn’t like you back. Every kind of negatives will begin to overwhelm you. You start to look down on yourselves and instead of looking on the beauty within you, you only see the ugly ones that your mind is telling you. The worst, you compare yourselves to others. Insecurities will always be present when there is comparison.
When emotions overwhelm us, we become weak, sad and depressed. Anxiety attack! What do you do when you feel all this? I am not a Love Adviser or something, I am not like Papa Jack in Philippines who gives advice about love. But I am thankful that God had shown me what it is to be loved and to love. I am from a broken family and I grew up observing couples, married or anyone in a relationship because I always wanted to have a perfect relationship. I believe that any relationship can be right if we all know how to do it right. I wanted to share what I have observed and learned from my observation and personal experiences
For you to love someone the right way is to first LOVE YOURSELF. Here’s the question for you? Do you love yourself? When I say love…
According to Google : “the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”
I am not gonna say that Google or the dictionary is wrong. This is right but I am gonna say this, you cannot love others unselfishly when you do not know how to love yourself. You can be good to others but you have to be good to yourself too. Do you accept yourself? your face, eyes, nose, lips, your body, your whole being? Your attitudes? Do you like everything about you? I believe, none of us will say YES, I do! All of us has insecurities somehow. This is my advice, do yourself a favor. LOVE YOURSELF. Our imperfections should not be the reason of not being yourself. There is no such thing as perfect people. Everyone has flaws but before anyone can accept you, accept yourself first. How? Try to look at all the good things in you. Discover yourself. Discover your passion. What are the things that you can do and makes you feel great? Do you even appreciate yourself. Well, there is warning in loving yourself. Do not be proud. I am not telling you to be selfish by loving yourself. Loving yourself is not being selfish it is self-love.
There are a lot of people especially women who live their lives insecure. Accept this: there will always be a person who is more beautiful, sexier than you, someone who is better than you. But there is only ONE YOU. And you gotta love that ONE YOU. Love yourself.
As you discover the good things in you, you will learn the meaning of love. This is only one of the ways of loving someone the right way. Stop looking down on yourself. There are so much in you that is bursting to be shared to the world. Believe that you are awesome. Stop comparing yourself to others. Go, love yourself. Remove that insecurities because that is not God wants you to live. Your heart will never be okay when you dwell on your insecurities. It’s okay if there are people who is greater than you. Just keep going and be the best version of yourself.
Easier said than done, huh? I observed when my heart is not okay, if I dwell and somehow enjoy my insecurities and all the negatives, I treat others negatively too. I judge them and I don’t see good in them. The way you treat other people is the reflection of yourself, the reflection on how you treat yourself. I remember when I used to be insecure and negative, my actions are all a mess. I messed everything up. I hurt others by my words and actions and also hurting myself too. I ended up exhausted and almost giving up, I wasn’t able to see the beauty in me and others, my surroundings, everything is dark and gloomy. It was so tiring and I wanted to get out to that situation of my life. I asked God to show me how.
I won’t be shy if I said that I went through a deep sadness and depression. It was the very terrible days of my life, I even wanted to end my life. No one would ever believe when I say these words because they usually see me a jolly person. I love smiling to people and show that everything is okay. My smile is my cover that everything is just alright. I am a worship leader at church, so somehow they are looking up on me. Everyone thinks that I am just so fine and well. When I go home, alone in my room, I reveal myself , the real me to the ONE who helped me overcome all of this. I wanted to tell everyone I am not okay. But the Lord taught me to seek HIM alone. Only Him can understand how I feel.
Look at yourself the way He sees YOU.
To make it short, I started to seek HIM more and ask him to show me what’s really the root of all of this. His answer: See yourself the way I see you. He shows me who I am. Not only that, HE wants me to see how He sees me. He wants me to love myself the way HE loves me.
He sees me beautiful.
Let’s start with this, I used to be so insecure. I didn’t accept myself. God’s definition of beauty is different from the world. Do not define beauty according to what you see in this world. When I was in Philippines, I can see and observe how people define beauty. When you are light or white, tall and sexy, you are beautiful. When you have branded clothes and stuff, you are attractive. When your skin is dark, you won’t be on the top list of beautiful ones. White or light skin is their standard to be beautiful. Whitening soap or pills are trending now in the country. Your environment affects the way you look at yourself, to be honest. Culture has a great impact to your whole being, as well. The world define beautiful differently.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:3-4
Inner beauty is the most important factor of being beautiful. I might not have the FHM body but what I will focus on having is a heart that’s great to God’s sight. And my heart is happy.
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Guarding my heart is one of my purpose in living, for heart is the wellspring of life. When you guard your heart, avoiding all negative feelings towards yourself and others, you live happily and contented.
He sees you righteous.
This is taking too long, huh? Are you still there? 🙂 God is not counting your sins. If you have done mistakes, I want you to move on and be kind to yourself. God has been so patient to us, so be patient to yourself too. HE sees you a righteous one. He loves you. It’s so hard to imagine how God love someone who is so bad like me. If you are still reading this and you are that person who verbally declaring all the negative traits you have, I challenge you to speak the opposite. “I am a good person” instead of “I am bad” “I am loving him/her the right way” instead of “I don’t love and he/she doesn’t deserve someone as dumb as me” “I am worthy” instead of “I am unworthy and undeserving of your love”. Believe that God created you uniquely and wonderfully.
Knowing your identity in Christ is very essential in loving yourself. If you know how God sees you, how he loves you, you will begin to see yourself valuable and worthy, deserved to be loved. I might post in the future about your identity in Christ. 🙂
If you are having problems in your relationship, I hope that this post can help you realize things. I am not that so good about this, but it is my joy to encourage someone. If you aren’t loving yourself yet, it’s okay. I am not judging you,and it is not too late to start. Look at yourself the way God sees you. He sees you awesome, righteous, wonderful etc. Your story is different from others. Your love story is different and unique, do not compare. You will be able to love your partner the right way if you begin to discover yourself, to love yourself. If you fail to love yourself, it would be difficult for you to love others. Get rid of all the negatives you’ve been feeding your mind and heart. You are not a mess. Do the right thing because God has given you all you need, you just have to choose to do the right thing. Go, and LOVE YOURSELF.
I want to re-read this and edit but I am so sleepy but I want to publish this immediately so, I apologize if my sentences are not good. Thank you for reading! Enjoy! 🙂 I am also willing listen to your stories. Blessings!