Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Tumitingin ka kasi sa iba, Tingin ka sa Sarili mo.

Kaya tayo nahihirapan makita ang kakayanan natin kasi nakatingin tayo sa iba. Nakatingin tayo sa kung ano meron sila na maganda na wala ka. “Bakit sya ganun?” Bakit may ganun sya ako wala” “Bakit sya nagagawa nya yun, bakit ako hindi” “Buti pa sya..”

Insecurities. Low self-esteem.

Napaisip ako at habang patuloy na nagpapakita ng revelations si Lord sa akin. Binulong nya sa akin “Tumitingin ka kasi sa iba, Tingin ka kasi sa sarili mo.”

Do not get me wrong. Masaya ako sa kasiyahan at success ng iba. Masaya akong makita kapag may mga blessings ang iba, patunay na napakabuti ng Dios hindi lang sa akin kundi sa lahat. May mga panahon lang talga nang dahil sa mga circumstances sa buhay, hindi ko maiwasang magtanong kung bakit naging ganito ako sa sarili ko. Masyado ko ba nilaglag, ganern bes! Ang baba e, to the lowest level, pabagsak na ko nun e.

Unti unti pinakita sakin ni Lord ang mga kalakasan ko. Nung mga panahon na na-depress ako, syempre, hindi mo talaga makita na capable ka. Lahat negative. Ang pangit. Hindi maganda ang depression. Hindi sya nakakatuwa. Nakakaloka sya, literally. Pero tinulungan at tinuturuan ako ni Lord how to deal with it. Nagbasa ako ng mga motivational books, mga personality development, spiritual and inspirational books. Nagexercise ako atbp.

I do not compare my life to others in a negative way. Naniniwala ako na iba iba talaga tayo ng destinasyon sa buhay, iba iba ang nararanasan at tinatahak natin. Nasa sa atin na kung paano natin harapin at iba’t ibang challenges na meron tayo. Kung paano tayo maging grateful and content.

Dumating lang talaga sa point ng buhay ko na ayaw ko na. Wala na! Hindi ko na gusto gumalaw at sumubok ulit. Ayaw ko na harapin yun kaba at takot. Tapos nakatingin lang ako sa iba na nakakatuwa na nagagawa nila mga yun habang binaba ko ang sarili ko, kelan kaya ako? Ang tanong ko.

“Tumitingin ka kasi sa iba, tingin ka sa sarili mo”

I know God wants me to look at Him all the time. That’s the only way I could survive pero gusto ipa-alala sa akin ni Lord na tumingin ako sa sarili ko kung paano nya ako nilikhang kahanga-hanga! O diba?

Kaya nagumpisa ako tignan mga kaya kong gawin, mga bagay na magaling ako, mga talento na binigay sa akin. Andyan na e, andito lang sya, kung bakit hindi ko mailabas at hindi ko makita kasi naging busy ako tumingin sa iba. Naging busy ako sa liwanag ng iba habang ang ilaw ko napundi na.

Hindi masamang mahalin ang sarili. Naniniwala nga ako na dapat matutunan mo muna talagang mahalin ang sarili bago masabing kaya mo na magmahal ng iba. Hindi pagiging selfish ang pagtanggap at pagmamahal sa sarili. Self-love ang tawag dun.

We all know and heard about how God created us uniquely, fearfully and wonderfully. But sometimes we are busy looking at others strength that we don’t have time to look how awesome we are. He made us. Hindi sya nagkamali na nilikha nya tayo. Hindi sya nagkamaling ibigay yung mga kakayanan natin. Na sa atin na e. Ilabas na lang!

Express na bes!

Kung iisa isahin natin ang strengths, abilities na binigay sa atin ni Lord at ititigil na natin ang mga negatibong paniniwala sa sarili, madami tayo ma-achieve, malayo mararating natin. Hindi ko sinasabing maging mayabang na tayo kasi puro sarili ang sinasabi ko dito. Ang point ko, kung isa ka sa mga tao na mahilig at nageenjoy na mag nega thoughts, parang ako, gising gising din tayo! Marami tayong magagawang maganda at dakila. Tingin ka sa sarili mo at maniwala ka na kaya mo.

Kaya ko din. ❤️🙏 So help me, God!

But wait, let me take a selfie!

Maniwala ka sa iyong angking ganda at talino 😂

Thank you so much sa pagbabasa. ❤️

-Princess

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Morning Hugs and Laugh and Coffee

CTTO: Google image

“Good morning, ate Princess”

(“A-te” a Tagalog word means older sister)

He goes straight to my bedroom and gives me hug. A tight hug.

“You smell so good.” He loves smelling me. I think it’s a new scent for him. He smelled his daddy and mommy and compare my smell from them. “You guys smell good but ate Princess’ smell is great” 😂

I don’t use any perfume. This little kid knows how to flatter my heart.

“Your skin is so soft, you’re so hugable and smellable?” Smellable? Is that word even exist?

And randomly he will say “I am so glad you’re here, ate Princess”

Awww. My heart ❤️😭

My little brother is 7years old now. Grabbing that moments where he’s in love with his sister. Hugs, playmates, kisses and laughters. One day, he will be grown up and wouldn’t want to hold his ate Princess hand in public.

I made him promise few weeks ago that even he will be taller than his ate, he will still hold my hand, hug me and kiss me. I recorded a video, a proof that he will still be that sweet to me few years from now. 😂

Morning hugs and sweetness.

Mommy and I laughed with some nonsense topic, jokes that only us could understand while sipping our coffee ☕️ in the morning.

I am loving this. I wish I have this every single day. I will be here for 2 months more. I don’t want to leave but I am thankful that I experience this kind of morning.

The sweetest.

One day, my sister in Philippines, my brother in Aruba, me, my little brother and Mommy will sit down in the mornings while laughing, sipping our coffees, hugging each other. I am hopeful. God never fails.

Good life. Family time is always the best time ever. ❤️

Priceless.

Have a great day!

-Princess

Ang Bilis Naman

CCTO: Google Image

Akala ko kaya ko na ulit mawala e. Akala ko magagawa ko uli. Nagawa ko naman noon, ilang buwan ako ng tiis. Masaya pakiramdam ko, mas naging maayos ang naging buhay ko. Hindi ako na-apektuhan ng mga nangyayari sa paligid.

Umalis ako dahil gusto ko hanapin ang sarili ko, mas magkaron pa ako ng panahon para mag-meditate at mahalin ang sarili ko. Higit sa lahat para magamit ko ang oras ko ng tama.

Kaso, ang bilis nagbago ng isip ko sa pagkakataong ito. Hindi ko napanindigan ang ginawa ko. Bumalik pa rin ako.

Reaksyon nila. “Whattt?!!!” “Adik ka talaga”

Naiintindihan ko naman e. Ang bilis ko nagdesisyon, ilang araw lang binawi ko na rin agad. Eng eng lang!

Pero sa pagkakataong ito, isa pang aral ang natutunan ko, self-control and discipline.

Kaya naman nag-decide na ako na magkakaroon na ako ng oras sa pagbisita sakanya.

Nag-activate ulit ako sa Facebook, Instagram at Twitter. Pero nakasign-out lang silang lahat. Para hindi ako silip ng silip.

Yun lang naman. Ang bilis naman kasi ng pahinga ko. Pero nasa puso ko pa rin mas damihan ang time sa pag-seek kay God at maging productive. Addiction din kasi ang social media na to! 😂😝

Nagmamahal,

-Princess

Hindi Makatulog

Titignan ko kung hanggang saan ako aabot. I just deactivated my Facebook account, I deleted Facebook, Instagram and Twitter applications sa phone ko. Hihinga muna ako at paminsan minsan hindi ako makahinga sa social media.

While I am writing on my journal, napa-isip ako. Kahit wala ako trabaho sa ngayon, gusto kong i-grab itong opportunity to be refreshed and be restored, and to make good use of my time in seeking the One.

Nakaka-distract ang social media. Para sa akin, kung hindi ko matutunan manage ang time ko at kung may problema pa ako sa heart ko, hindi ako dapat natatambay sa mga social media gaya ng Facebook and Instagram.

Ako lang ba ito? Para bang may need na magpost at magbrowse. Dahil nga naging public na ang diary natin sa panahon ngayon by posting ng kung anu-ano, anong ginagawa natin, nasaan tayo, sino kasama etc., lahat alam na. Kapag may talent pa like photography, singing, dancing or even writing atbp, Aba naman talagang kanya kanyang pakitang gilas dito. (Hindi ako against. Gawin natin ang nagpapasaya sa atin)

Sa totoo lang.. nakakapagod minsan. Napapatanong ako? Bakit ba? Bakit ko ba kelangan magpost? Haha. Bakit ba kelangan ilagay kung saan ang destinasyon pag nagtravel? (Di ko pa yan nagawa! Ako nahihiya e! Kasi feeling ko nakakasakit ako sa iba. Yung iba gusto rin magtravel pero hindi keri. Kaya hindi ako nagpopost ng "traveling to.. ✈️ " 😂) Okay lang magpost nyan, personal view ko lang na not to let others feel sad or down, I don't specifically post yung ganyan. (Baka one day gagawin ko din yan!) At bakit ba pag nakanood ng isang video clip e talagang susunod-sunurin mo na yun mga sumusunod pang videos na trending? Tawa tawa kasi kadalasan mga funny videos, may mga touching stories din na iiyak ka.

I am not gonna lie pero parang pakiramdam ko nakakabaliw lang e! Ginagawa akong baliw. 😂 Iyak, tawa, iyak tawa! Minsan magagalit kapa pag nakaka- asar naman. Ang daming emosyon. Ibang klase ang Facebook. May mga panahon talaga na nagdedeactivate ako to take my time and stay away sa ingay.

Bakit ba kelangan gawin iyon? Bakit ba nagiging "need" na ang pagupdate ng buhay natin publicly?

Kung noon journal and devotional book, Bible ang una ko hahawakan pagbukas ng mata ko sa umaga, ngayon ay phone na agad at pag naumpisahan na makita may mga notifications aba naman di mo na namalayan isa o mahigit ilang oras kana natambay doon.

Wala akong balak pagandahin ang mga salita ko dito or kung ano ang tamang way to write this. Gusto ko lang mailabas itong paikot ikot sa isip ko. Takbo kasi ng takbo. Kelangan ilabas ko na. Wala ng edit edit. Kaya sorry kung ito lang ang kaya kong isulat.

Nastress pa ako dyan. Waley ako 'paki' sa mga oras na ito kung tama ba o mali ang pag construct ko ng sentence o ang grammar ko. Isa pa yan sa didib-dibin ko. Haha. Nawiwindang na nga ako. Tulad mo, iba kasi ang pakiramdam pag naisulat mo na. O diba? 😉

Meron akong dalawang buwan para ayusin ang sarili ko, magreflect at ma-refreshed ng bonggang bonga. Pinagpala ako makarating sa U.S.A., makapagbakasyon ng bonggacious ulit. Pinagpapahinga ako ni Lord sa lahat ng struggles na napagdaanan ko. Sabi nga ng friend ko, "Bumabawi sayo si Lord"

Parang sinasabi ni Lord sakin ngayon:
"Take your time. WordPress is enough. (yun talaga e no? 😂) Magpahinga ka sa kaguluhan at ingay ng mundo. I have been revealing myself and my word to you pero pag napasok na ang Facebook sa life mo or IG , nawawala ka na e. Hinay hinay lang, bes. Focus focus din. (Feeling ko ganyan ako kausapin ni Lord 😝)

God has been very patient with me. Dami kong "No" sakanya kapag may pinapagawa sya sakin. Pero patuloy pa rin nya ako kinakatok. Ang tigas kasi ng ulo.

So dahil dyan, magiging mas active ako sa WordPress ngayon. Dito naman ako hihinga.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

-Princess

A Time For Everything

"Mommy, I got my permit," I told her with so much joy.

"Oh wow! Congrats anak (Anak is a Tagalog word means child)"

"You know, I was checking flights, do you want to come over here?" She added.

For a moment, I was silent. Thoughts were immediately running through my head. "Really? Omg! I would love to." excitedly I answered.

The month of June was an overwhelming month for me. There are so many things to be thankful for. I got my permit by May which is important so I can stay legally in the beautiful island of Aruba. God is so good for He never failed me. It also means, I can have a vacation outside the island and can freely come back. He opened an opportunity for me to visit U.S.A. again.

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Princess is my name and with this good news, I really feel I am a princess. I love to share stories like this to inspire others. In human thoughts, it is impossible but with God, it is possible. Why is this big deal to me? I am not the kind of person who can afford to travel. I prayed for it. Yes, that's one thing I can boast about. God simply answered my prayer and what is amazing about it, he gave me more than I expected. God's favors are overwhelming. His love is so amazing. I am really God's princess and I am proud of it.

Few months before this, I had some depression season in my life.  I wrote An Open Letter to Myself and decided to get up again. It wasn't easy for me but the Lord has been so gracious and once again helped me to see what really important in life is. It is not about having a good career which I do pray for this a lot. I could say without hesitation that my career now isn't really going well. Who would love to admit that? But even I do not have a stable job, God never ceased to provide. He reminded me that money isn't everything we need. It is Him who is everything we need. Who would have thought that someone like me would see the beauty of America? And here's another thing, if I have a regular job right now, I wouldn't be able to visit my mom and stay here for few months. Everything happens for a reason. I couldn't understand that at first but the Lord answered my question on why I wasn't able to find a regular job yet? "Be patient" and "Be still" are His words to me. He knows what He is doing and He is not against me. HE is for me and he loves me. That is for sure.

I never complain about money, I grew up learning how to be content. I experienced having nothing so the Lord taught me to be grateful when I have something. God has a specific purpose why I experienced that season in my life. Now, he is just proving His love and I am appreciating Him more. It is not because of great blessings I received but thankful because in every season He never leaves me. He's always there and will always be.

"Some of the leaders from our church (Church of Zion Aruba) will attend a conference in Georgia for few days and it would be a good idea to join them," I told mommy.

 

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I did attend the Congregational Holiness Church General Conference 2017 before I went to Mommy's place. The conference was held in Georgia. It was truly the 'times of refreshing' for me and for the rest of the group. God knows that I needed this break and He filled my heart with joy and inspiration. It's a blessing to be here. It is not just for fun but I know for sure that this vacation isn't about pleasure only but a moment where He can reveal Himself to me in a very intimate way. Truly there is a time for everything. My cry time was over it is time to laugh and rejoice.

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

I will be writing about what I have learned and realizations from the conference on my next post. I will also post some photos of places, states we went to. There will be more. I am excited to post and share with you about God's surprises to me

I am still in the U.S.A. right now. There are so many things I want to share with you all guys!

Thank you for taking time reading my post. Blessings!

 

 

-Princess

“Why Me?” Or should I ask “Why not Me?”

It’s been a while, I know. I haven’t been writing on my blog these past few months. Well, who would notice, anyway? My last post was about getting myself back on track. I wrote an open letter for Princess, myself. It’s kind of connected with this post.

 

“Why Me?” “Why are you sending me here?” Why am I even here?” Living in Aruba for quite some years, the Lord might be tired of hearing me asking these questions to HIm? As if they weren’t answered. I can tell that God reveals His answers but sometimes I am just busy thinking about the situation without even realizing He’s been answering all this time. If only I take my time listening and hearing His voice instead of complaining and murmuring about the circumstances.

 

“Why Me?” I heard this again today from the missionaries we’ve met in the ship called LOGOS HOPE. It is a non-profit organization, international ship which brings knowledge and hope through literature. They sell books and at the same time ministering to people by their kindness and care to the people coming in the ship. You won’t only be happy by all the books in the library but also by their genuine and pure hearts that inspires me to keep believing and seeking God. Their passion in sharing hope and love of God is very exhilarating.

 

I’ve heard about it a long time ago but I didn’t have a chance to visit the ship. It visited Philippines, I believe. But I wasn’t able to go. Logos Hope was here in Aruba 7 years ago and I wasn’t here yet that time. Last April 21 up to today, May 7 they’re here in the island. And I am really blessed to have experienced the uplifting ambiance and admiring hospitality of the crew members. I needed this for all the seeking and healing process I’m going through. God just really know how to comfort me. Just in time, never early and never been late. Perfect timing.

 

I went in the ship like five or six times since they arrived in Aruba. I bought some books and they are not expensive. Thank God!  The first day I went, I was really really let me repeat again.. REALLY in awe. Looking around, observing every single crew in there doing their task for this ministry melt my heart once again. They are not paid. They are volunteers who gave their time and efforts, their lives for the Lord, following their calling in their lives and doing the will of God – sharing the good news. There are 400 or more crew members in the ship. Different nationalities and culture. They are meeting the world in the ship, actually. Isn’t it fascinating how God unite these people together with different languages and yet they have the common understanding that makes them united. JESUS. The love of God for them and for the people.

 

I think it is one of the bravest thing to do in one’s life. Leaving your family, love ones and your career behind for the sake of following Christ. Some of them are professionals but they left their  good jobs because they are called to seek the One and be the light to the World. They don’t think about the position but they have the hearts for service. A heart of a servant. They are doing what God’s will is. – to go and share the Gospel. These people are doing the right thing. Selflessly obeying God in their lives. Who wouldn’t melt their hearts towards these people?

 

“Why Me?” There will be times they will ask God why they are sent there. They are humans too. They feel sadness and loneliness as well. Homesickness will be very overwhelming for sure. But they are holding to God’s promises. They still find peace and joy. The more they feel it the more they run to the Lord which makes them more closer to Him. God’s revelations and wisdom are very active to their lives because all they do is to seek God in their lives while staying in the ship. They have personal and group devotions, worship times, lessons, Bible studies and discipleship lessons. And I love all these things.

 

One of the crew members is having a hard time ( I think everyone over there experience this) she was tired and sad, she went to the prayer room,grab her guitar, cried out and ask God, “Why Me?” She can’t speak English so well, She just started learning for nine months now. One of the requirements if you want to participate with them is  you can at least understand and speak English at a reasonable level.  God still sends her there, anyway. For the reasons? I don’t know why.  I’m sure that this is her training ground for more greater things in her life. And after days of crying to God, HE sent someone for her to be her teacher in English. They are now like sisters, caring for each other, building each other up. And yeah.. she is doing great because she can actually converse with other person now. When God calls you, HE will enable you.

 

Listening to their stories makes me ask a different question this time. “Why not me?” I admire them so much. Their courage and for being brave are inspiring. The third time I was in the ship, we attended a prayer event called “Pray for the Nation” we prayed for some unreachable countries like North Korea, Venezuela and more to open doors of opportunities to share the good news. We also prayed for what the world is going through like poverty, addiction, slavery, human trafficking etc. that people would know that there is hope in life. JESUS is the answer. He is the only one who can heal us within. And after the event, we got home and all. I was about to sleep, turned off my lights, but my heart is still overwhelmed. I prayed and I cried so hard like a baby on my bed. I needed this. I needed that moment. I missed that time where my heart’s only desire is to obey Him , to seek Him and to love Him. I was like a baby crying and telling him everything I feel. I felt so bad for not doing anything for His kingdom, I felt so sorry for not loving the lost anymore, I sobbed for I know God is calling me to do His will but I am to stubborn. I only look on my ugly situation, I only care about myself. While others are suffering and dying from starving, from the abuse of the evil, children are being forced to work for some countries, little ones who can’t see the beauty of life because they are abused, people who are broken and don’t see their worth so they end up hurting themselves, found their happiness in the wrong ones like pornography, smoking and alcohol and drug  addiction, shopping and everything they think will complete them. They are lost. And what am I doing? I live in fear, no confidence to speak about the truth, keeping to myself. Am I being selfish? I know the goodness of God. But I wasn’t on my self these years, I cried all the time to seek and know what was this thing that He wanted me to do. There is something inside of me that I know He wants me to share , to get out on my shell and see the world and do something..

 

“Why Not Me?” I want to be part of this ministry. Who wouldn’t like? But is this something God wants or just me? I prayed and told Him wherever I go, I want to be a channel of His blessings. I will speak what He says, I will go where He goes. At the end of my prayer  “I want to be with you” I want to know you more” ” I want to do your will” It doesn’t need to be in Logos Hope. All I want is to be with you. I was lost and weak because I didn’t want to follow Him, I lost my motivation because I only look at myself. But these days since I came to that amazing ship, God has been talking to me,  God has been shaking me and getting me back on track. He’s revealing me His words and promises to me “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

 

I believe that everyone is called for a specific task in this life. It’s just a matter of obedience. If it’s God”s will for me to be in the ship one day, it’ll happen and he will give me confirmation through His word, prayers, from the people around me. Just like one of the staff in the ship told us. For the meantime, while living in Aruba with a different culture and language, I have to know and seek my purpose here. I am sure that I am not only here for work. He’s been telling me to do something but I still didn’t. I pray and you can also pray for/with me that the Lord will give me the courage to do His will in this island.

 

I can say that the island is so beautiful. Life in here is easy and relaxing. Some Filipinos call this place as milk and honey place where abundance is present everywhere. I am thankful and grateful for that but life isn’t all about it. Aruba is called One Happy Island. Like what I have said I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation. But for me, this is also called “Temptation Island” where everybody is busy making money, making life very comfortable, relaxing, bars everywhere, prostitution in a certain place which is legal here. It is very comfortable that not everyone is willing to take time to gather for the name of the Lord. I honestly got used of being relaxed. But in my heart I know that this isn’t life for me. I want to see people , Christians who are willing to give their time for the work of the Lord, who can really take time teaching people about the knowledge of God, who worship God in Spirit &truth not a performance, I want to see a generation in this island who seek God and knows God’s holiness. IF I want to see it, I must begin to be one.

 

“Why me?” shouldn’t be ask this time. Should I ask “Why not me?” If God can use those missionaries in the ship mightily because they are willing and made themselves available? Why not me?” It doesn’t have to be in the ship. If God calls you, he will enable you. It would be great if one day I can participate with them but now my mission field is in Aruba. A revelation that God has been telling me that didn’t get in to me until Logos Hope arrived. Thank you so much for this ministry. You guys are amazing Logos Hope!! 🙂

An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Princess,

It’s okay to be not okay sometimes. What you are going through right now is not unplanned. God knows it and he knows what He is doing. I want you to hang in there. I want you to again see your worth. Negative thoughts, extreme sadness, and feeling so low are not good, I know. But here… “Now is not Forever”. There is a time for everything. Everyone experiences hardships and pains. Doubts and fears are so present in you right now but I know you know what to do about it. Open your heart again, open your Bible and remind yourself how God sees you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I understand if these past few days you have been struggling,  not doing anything, staying in the room, not going out and procrastinate the whole day. It’s been two weeks, I’ve seen you suffer that long. I understand, but aren’t you getting up this time? That’s enough, Princess. You have to get up and pull yourself together.

Those choices and poor decisions you made are all in the past now, please get up and move on. Do not dwell on the past. People around you will say something, will judge you and even gossip about you but please be reminded that your worth doesn’t depend on their opinions. Let it be and let it go. Do not be too harsh on yourself. You are not a criminal. You are not what you think you are. You’ve been telling yourself that you are dumb, nothing and such a disappointment. Well, you are so wrong. It’s the enemy that keeps installing those on your head. God doesn’t look at you that way.

You are a jolly person, you are responsible, you are smart and you can do anything for God gives you strength. You are loved and highly favored. Don’t you remember all the prayer answered? Why are you so sad? Remember His love towards you, Princess. You asked for it, right? You wanted to experience having a parent around. God answered you. He brought you here in Aruba where you can see your father. One Happy Island? Yes, it’s not as happy when you were in the Philippines but admit it there are things in here that make you happy as well. Remember those and see the beauty of life. Enjoy them and be thankful.

Do you remember when you asked God to bring your siblings here? You were crying almost every day asking God to bring them. God did. It was a great day to you and you were really grateful. See? God answers prayers, He will grant our requests in the right time. An unexpected and uncontrolled situation happened, your sister needed to go back to the Philippines. It was an awful season for you and your family. But God helped everyone to get up. That’s part of His plan so you learned to let go. How about the request you asked about your first employer? Every day was a struggle to you but you endured it for three years? You didn’t show to everyone that it’s really difficult because you focused on His promises. “He will not leave you nor forsake you, he will rescue you.” I can still remember how happy you were the night you took all your things out of that house. You can’t help but cry and whisper when you were in the car “I am free. Thank you, Lord” Tears fell. They were tears of joy. You persevered, you endured the years, Princess. It was not easy but you finished it. Because you can do anything. Don’t you believe that?

After that day, you went home to your father’s house. You brought all your things together with your heart, hopeful that there will be doors of opportunity coming. You needed someone to sign again for you for your next permit. You didn’t actually do anything but God sends your next employer right in front of you. He’s been faithful. I guess, He really wants you to stay on the island. You didn’t have any problem with the permit. He loves you so. While others struggle to have a permit, some were living here for quite some years and yet they don’t have a legal permit. Here you are, enjoying all the freedom and benefits. God is good in your life.

Just last year, you received a monster blessing. Your US Visa was approved and you got to see your Mommy in the US. It was your first time to spend that long, one month with her after she left abroad when you were 5years old. Isn’t it amazing? God is so good to you. Other Filipinos were told that only those who have the residence permit can be approved. It means only those who have 10permits, 10years living in Aruba. You only had four permits that time. They also said that you should have a property here. You don’t have. There are a lot of reasons not be approved, to be honest, but your visa still has been approved. I told you, You are highly favored. That is for you. His gift for you. So pull yourself together and be grateful, count your blessings.

You have finished your contract from the second employer. They were so nice to you. It’s a blessing. Did God forget about you? He wants you to know that He is in control. Sometimes you think, you can’t handle things anymore but God shows His mercy and grace. Recently, you just got an appointment for your next permit. Did God ever forsake you? No. He sends another one to sign for you, and you didn’t really chase for it. God is using people for you to see that everything is under control.

But didn’t you know why you got all the answers? These are some of His blessings to you. It’s not all. You had more. But are these enough to remind you He knows everything? He answered every single thing you asked, you know why? Today, I will remind you why. You got lost these past few days but today I will remind you again. It is because you BELIEVE. It’s already given and proven that God loves you so much. But God was delighted because you have believed. You let Him take control about everything and you just trust Him that He can do impossible things possible. When God says “YES” no one can stop him. He will fulfill his plans in your life no matter what. So why don’t you let him do it again? believe again? Believing means even you don’t see the answer yet, still you stay calm and let him take control. His answers are on the way now. Behind the scenes, he is working. You can’t understand that now but sooner or later you will. He will reveal them to you. 

While you are waiting, why don’t you worship again? That’s what you usually do. You pour out your heart to Him no matter how difficult the situation is. Because you know that this is the only and best thing you can ever be done while you are waiting for— Worship. Thanking Him for all He has done in your life, giving him the glory for all the achievement you have received. Whatever his answers to your questions and requests,  you receive them freely because you are trusting him. Say these again to Him “I will still love you even it hurts””I will still choose you no matter what” “I want you in my life””I will worship no matter what the circumstances” You know when you worship, you found peace, joy, and love, you found life. That’s where you belong, Princess. In HIS presence. 

So let it be. Let it go. Lay it all down. Trust Him. Believe that He has greater plans in your life. God believes in you so you have to believe in yourself again. These trials are nothing compare to what God has prepared for you in the future. Fix yourself, fix your eyes on Him again. He is all you need. Do not worry about what people may say. Listen to what God is telling you. So get up and be confident in Him. 

You are a Princess. His princess. His daughter. Smile and be confident. You are beautiful.

 ** I had to remind myself so I wrote these things in my planner/journal. Thank you for reading. Yes, I struggle but I will get up so I hope and pray for those who also experience the same thing, the letter is for you too. He loves you so. Love yourself too.

Stand up, stand out and Shine!

 

-Princess

 

You Should Go and Love Yourself

I always wanted to write something about love. I just don’t know where, when and how to start. So, I am here typing and letting my heart out. Everyone wants to be loved, right? We long for someone who can be there to understand and accept who we are, spend quality time with us, embrace our strengths and our weaknesses, someone who can see beauty in us, someone who brings the best in us. That feeling of being accepted and loved is the best feeling ever.

But…to love is another story. Do you really know how to love? Is the love you think you are showing to your partner, friends, parents, family or any relationship you are with the right love, the right way of love? I will ask you again, do you really know how to love?

When I was younger, I got easily fall to someone I don’t even know. I had a lot of crushes (which is normal, I guess ! HAHA) I remember someone who broke my heart without him knowing because I got frustrated because he didn’t like me. I had a crush on him for a long time. I wanted to be liked, be attractive to him and be loved. I even thought that I would be the most happiest person on earth if he will be my partner. I do believe that everyone went through this kind of feeling. Puppy love. I was high school back then.

You started to feel ugly, not beautiful, unaccepted or unwanted when the person you like doesn’t like you back. Every kind of negatives will begin to overwhelm you. You start to look down on yourselves and instead of looking on the beauty within you, you only see the ugly ones that your mind is telling you. The worst, you compare yourselves to others. Insecurities will always be present when there is comparison.

When emotions overwhelm us, we become weak, sad and depressed. Anxiety attack! What do you do when you feel all this? I am not a Love Adviser or something, I am not like Papa Jack in Philippines who gives advice about love. But I am thankful that God had shown me what it is to be loved and to love. I am from a broken family and I grew up observing couples, married or anyone in a relationship because I always wanted to have a perfect relationship. I believe that any relationship can be right if we all know how to do it right. I wanted to share what I have observed and learned from my observation and personal experiences

LOVE YOURSELF

For you to love someone the right way is to first LOVE YOURSELF. Here’s the question for you? Do you love yourself? When I say love…

According to Google : “the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”

I am not gonna say that Google or the dictionary is wrong. This is right but I am gonna say this, you cannot love others unselfishly when you do not know how to love yourself. You can be good to others but you have to be good to yourself too. Do you accept yourself? your face, eyes, nose, lips, your body, your whole being? Your attitudes? Do you like everything about you? I believe, none of us will say YES, I do! All of us has insecurities somehow. This is my advice, do yourself a favor. LOVE YOURSELF. Our imperfections should not be the reason of not being yourself. There is no such thing as perfect people. Everyone has flaws but before anyone can accept you, accept yourself first. How? Try to look at all the good things in you. Discover yourself. Discover your passion. What are the things that you can do and makes you feel great? Do you even appreciate yourself. Well, there is warning in loving yourself. Do not be proud. I am not telling you to be selfish by loving yourself. Loving yourself is not being selfish it is self-love.

There are a lot of people especially women who live their lives insecure. Accept this: there will always be a person who is more beautiful, sexier than you, someone who is better than you. But there is only ONE YOU. And you gotta love that ONE YOU. Love yourself.

As you discover the good things in you, you will learn the meaning of love. This is only one of the ways of loving someone the right way. Stop looking down on yourself. There are so much in you that is bursting to be shared to the world. Believe that you are awesome. Stop comparing yourself to others. Go, love yourself. Remove that insecurities because that is not God wants you to live. Your heart will never be okay when you dwell on your insecurities. It’s okay if there are people who is greater than you. Just keep going and be the best version of yourself.

Easier said than done, huh? I observed when my heart is not okay, if I dwell and somehow enjoy my insecurities and all the negatives, I treat others negatively too. I judge them and I don’t see good in them. The way you treat other people is the reflection of yourself, the reflection on how you treat yourself. I remember when I used to be insecure and negative, my actions are all  a mess. I messed everything up. I hurt others by my words and actions and also hurting myself too. I ended up exhausted and almost giving up, I wasn’t able to see the beauty in me and others, my surroundings, everything is dark and gloomy. It was so tiring and I wanted to get out to that situation of my life. I asked God to show me how.

I won’t be shy if I said that I went through a deep sadness and depression. It was the very terrible days of my life, I even wanted to end my life. No one would ever believe when I say these words because they usually see me a jolly person. I love smiling to people and show that everything is okay. My smile is my cover that everything is just alright. I am a worship leader at church, so somehow they are looking up on me. Everyone thinks that I am just so fine and well. When I go home, alone in my room, I reveal myself , the real me to the ONE who helped me overcome all of this. I wanted to tell everyone I am not okay. But the Lord taught me to seek HIM alone. Only Him can understand how I feel.

Look at yourself the way He sees YOU.

To make it short, I started to seek HIM more and ask him to show me what’s really the root of all of this. His answer: See yourself the way I see you. He shows me who I am. Not only that, HE wants me to see how He sees me. He wants me to love myself the way HE loves me.

He sees me beautiful. 

Let’s start with this, I used to be so insecure. I didn’t accept myself. God’s definition of beauty is different from the world. Do not define beauty according to what you see in this world. When I was in Philippines, I can see and observe how people define beauty. When you are light or white, tall and sexy, you are beautiful. When you have branded clothes and stuff, you are attractive. When your skin is dark, you won’t be on the top list of beautiful ones. White or light skin is their standard to be beautiful. Whitening soap or pills are trending now in the country. Your environment affects the way you look at yourself, to be honest. Culture has a great impact to your whole being, as well. The world define beautiful differently.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:3-4

Inner beauty is the most important factor of being beautiful. I might not have the FHM body but what I will focus on having is a heart that’s great to God’s sight. And my heart is happy.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Guarding my heart is one of my purpose in living, for heart is the wellspring of life. When you guard your heart, avoiding all negative feelings towards yourself and others, you live happily and contented.

He sees you righteous.

This is taking too long, huh? Are you still there? 🙂 God is not counting your sins. If you have done mistakes, I want you to move on and be kind to yourself. God has been so patient to us, so be patient to yourself too. HE sees you a righteous one. He loves you. It’s so hard to imagine how God love someone who is so bad like me. If you are still reading this and you are that person who verbally declaring all the negative traits you have, I challenge you to speak the opposite. “I am a good person” instead of “I am bad” “I am loving him/her the right way”  instead of “I don’t love and he/she doesn’t deserve someone as dumb as me” “I am worthy” instead of “I am unworthy and undeserving of your love”.  Believe that God created you uniquely and wonderfully.

Knowing your identity in Christ is very essential in loving yourself. If you know how God sees you, how he loves you, you will begin to see yourself valuable and worthy, deserved to be loved. I might post in the future about your identity in Christ. 🙂

FINAL WORDS

If you are having problems in your relationship, I hope that this post can help you realize things. I am not that so good about this, but it is my joy to encourage someone. If you aren’t loving yourself yet, it’s okay. I am not judging you,and it is not too late to start. Look at yourself the way God sees you. He sees you awesome, righteous, wonderful etc. Your story is different from others. Your love story is different and unique, do not compare. You will be able to love your partner the right way if you begin to discover yourself, to love yourself. If you fail to love yourself, it would be difficult for you to love others. Get rid of all the negatives you’ve been feeding your mind and heart. You are not a mess. Do the right thing because God has given you all you need, you just have to choose to do the right thing. Go, and LOVE YOURSELF.

***
I want to re-read this and edit but I am so sleepy but I want to publish this immediately so, I apologize if my sentences are not good. Thank you for reading! Enjoy! 🙂 I am also willing listen to your stories. Blessings!

-Princess

 

Aruba, You are Beautiful

 

Last week, I had a chance to walk/jog with some of churchmates.Everybody has problems in life but when you get out and see how beautiful God’s creation is, you won’t feel any anxiety or sadness. The beauty of Aruba calms my heart. I have to embrace the place where I am. God leads me here and I have to joyfully seek His will and do His will. 

Exercise is good for your health.It is also good for your heart! It’s really beautiful. This is the beach at Renaissance Park.

Yes, I am the youngest but I feel so at home and comfortable with them because they are cool. I thank God for them. The place becomes more beautiful with awesome people around

God brings us to a place where he doesn’t lead. I am trusting God for today and tomorrow and for the next days. Thy will be done. 

Bunita! It is a papiamento word means beautiful. Aruba ta Bunita. 

Of course, lastly, I thank God for who I am. I have flaws but because of His great love, I still feel loved, accepted. This is one the days where I need to remind myself no matter what happen, God loves me and He remains faithful. 

#photoblog

Tuesday Random Thoughts

Everybody wants to be accepted and loved. Everyone wants attention and care. I admit sometimes I am trying to find my satisfaction from people, from my parents, friends and love ones or special someone. I want their time. I long for their love but the more I expect from them, the more I get disappointed. I ended up becoming bitter towards them.

Bitterness and eventually turned to brokenness. I started to think that no one loves me and no one cares. The result: I give up on loving people even those people who didn’t do anything wrong to me.I held that love that suppose to be shared and shown. God wants us to love unconditionally. But it is our nature to love with conditions. God is the only one who love that way –perfect, unending, without expecting anything in return. Well, I guess I didn’t understand that before.

I can be desperate for someone’s attention. But at the end of the day, our gracious God will let me feel that no one else can touch my heart like he does. Why am I looking for anyone’s attention? Why am I wanting to be accepted? Why do I want to look attractive? Do I need those to gain people’s care and love? No, of course not. God wants me to be me. because he loves me as who I am. And there, His touch will change everything I feel. Knowing I am not alone. I am precious in His sight. I am the apple of His eyes. He knows everything. He knows me so well. Nothing is hidden, he knows every detail of my life. So, why should I be ashamed of what I feel? I can be real in His presence.

I am thankful whenever I feel this, whenever I feel unaccepted, unattractive and ugly. “U” things HAHA. Why? Because it is a reminder that  I am accepted because He said so. There are people who love me as I am. I thank God for that. I am attractive. He gave me this heart towards HIM and he looks into our hearts. Every time I see how people looks on the outward appearance, I remind  myself that inward beauty is the essential part of living. Physical beauty will fade but a person who has a good heart will shines and lasts. For me, that’s the real beauty. If people won’t notice that, does it really matter? No. Because we live for our King and he will be honored if we will continue to guard our hearts. If our purpose in life is to give God the glory, these things don’t matter. Your heart is.

I feel sad and bad for ladies who cry over men who don’t even notice them. I understand them completely, I did and do feel that sometimes. We chased, we stalked, we waited but seenzoned. HAHA 🙂 But it doesn’t define us, right? It doesn’t mean you are ugly. Maybe God is sparing us for the wrong person. Maybe God wants us to seek Him earnestly and asked Him for a man/woman He wanted us to be with. And trust Him more. I don’t know why I am thinking this stuff but today is one of those days I couldn’t stop my thoughts, an urge to share. Well, everybody is free to share their thoughts. So, if you are reading this, thank you and I really appreciate you visiting my page.

My point is. God loves us the way we are. You do not need to be someone else. You do not need to impress someone. Because God sees you beautiful. You are awesome. I wonder if God also feels that butterflies in stomach whenever we see our crush, when he/she replies on our messages, enjoys being with that someone we love. I think so, He must be really happy when His children, His brides enjoy His presence. So, instead of trying so hard to be accepted by anyone, be reminded that you are already accepted. You are loved. You are wanted.  Enjoy God’s beauty. Be filled by His love towards you.

Prayer:

God, I thank you for you never reject me. You love me as who I am. When I think about all my weaknesses and flaws, I can’t help but cry and ask why on earth you love me. But it is your nature. You delight in showing your love, grace and mercy. Whenever I want someone to comfort me, help me to run to you. Whenever I long for someone’s time, help me to give my time in praying and reading your Word. Whenever I feel hopeless, let me see your beauty, your grace and let me be amazed all the time. I know I made and will make mistakes, but God, you are all I need in this life. I want to seek you with all my heart. Thank you for I know you do not miss a thing, you notice me and you see everything. Father, I give my heart to you. Help me to understand your love so I will love myself and others. Help me to see myself the way you see me. Beautiful. Complete me and I give my all. Take over. Amen

***

Thanks for your time reading my post. I pray that God will speak to you. If you are one of those who feel unaccepted and unloved  I would love to listen and pray for you. Inbox me 🙂

-Princess