Category Archives: Random Thoughts

“Why Me?” Or should I ask “Why not Me?”

It’s been a while, I know. I haven’t been writing on my blog these past few months. Well, who would notice, anyway? My last post was about getting myself back on track. I wrote an open letter for Princess, myself. It’s kind of connected with this post.

“Why Me?” “Why are you sending me here?” Why am I even here?” Living in Aruba for quite some years, the Lord might be tired of hearing me asking these questions to HIm? As if they weren’t answered. I can tell that God reveals His answers but sometimes I am just busy thinking about the situation without even realizing He’s been answering all this time. If only I take my time listening and hearing His voice instead of complaining and murmuring about the circumstances.

“Why Me?” I heard this again today from the missionaries we’ve met in the ship called LOGOS HOPE. It is a non-profit organization, international ship which brings knowledge and hope through literature. They sell books and at the same time ministering to people by their kindness and care to the people coming in the ship. You won’t only be happy by all the books in the library but also by their genuine and pure hearts that inspires me to keep believing and seeking God. Their passion in sharing hope and love of God is very exhilarating.

I’ve heard about it a long time ago but I didn’t have a chance to visit the ship. It visited Philippines, I believe. But I wasn’t able to go. Logos Hope was here in Aruba 7 years ago and I wasn’t here yet that time. Last April 21 up to today, May 7 they’re here in the island. And I am really blessed to have experienced the uplifting ambiance and admiring hospitality of the crew members. I needed this for all the seeking and healing process I’m going through. God just really know how to comfort me. Just in time, never early and never been late. Perfect timing.

I went in the ship like five or six times since they arrived in Aruba. I bought some books and they are not expensive. Thank God!  The first day I went, I was really really let me repeat again.. REALLY in awe. Looking around, observing every single crew in there doing their task for this ministry melt my heart once again. They are not paid. They are volunteers who gave their time and efforts, their lives for the Lord, following their calling in their lives and doing the will of God – sharing the good news. There are 400 or more crew members in the ship. Different nationalities and culture. They are meeting the world in the ship, actually. Isn’t it fascinating how God unite these people together with different languages and yet they have the common understanding that makes them united. JESUS. The love of God for them and for the people.

I think it is one of the bravest thing to do in one’s life. Leaving your family, love ones and your career behind for the sake of following Christ. Some of them are professionals but they left their  good jobs because they are called to seek the One and be the light to the World. They don’t think about the position but they have the hearts for service. A heart of a servant. They are doing what God’s will is. – to go and share the Gospel. These people are doing the right thing. Selflessly obeying God in their lives. Who wouldn’t melt their hearts towards these people?

“Why Me?” There will be times they will ask God why they are sent there. They are humans too. They feel sadness and loneliness as well. Homesickness will be very overwhelming for sure. But they are holding to God’s promises. They still find peace and joy. The more they feel it the more they run to the Lord which makes them more closer to Him. God’s revelations and wisdom are very active to their lives because all they do is to seek God in their lives while staying in the ship. They have personal and group devotions, worship times, lessons, Bible studies and discipleship lessons. And I love all these things.

One of the crew members is having a hard time ( I think everyone over there experience this) she was tired and sad, she went to the prayer room,grab her guitar, cried out and ask God, “Why Me?” She can’t speak English so well, She just started learning for nine months now. One of the requirements if you want to participate with them is  you can at least understand and speak English at a reasonable level.  God still sends her there, anyway. For the reasons? I don’t know why.  I’m sure that this is her training ground for more greater things in her life. And after days of crying to God, HE sent someone for her to be her teacher in English. They are now like sisters, caring for each other, building each other up. And yeah.. she is doing great because she can actually converse with other person now. When God calls you, HE will enable you.

Listening to their stories makes me ask a different question this time. “Why not me?” I admire them so much. Their courage and for being brave are inspiring. The third time I was in the ship, we attended a prayer event called “Pray for the Nation” we prayed for some unreachable countries like North Korea, Venezuela and more to open doors of opportunities to share the good news. We also prayed for what the world is going through like poverty, addiction, slavery, human trafficking etc. that people would know that there is hope in life. JESUS is the answer. He is the only one who can heal us within. And after the event, we got home and all. I was about to sleep, turned off my lights, but my heart is still overwhelmed. I prayed and I cried so hard like a baby on my bed. I needed this. I needed that moment. I missed that time where my heart’s only desire is to obey Him , to seek Him and to love Him. I was like a baby crying and telling him everything I feel. I felt so bad for not doing anything for His kingdom, I felt so sorry for not loving the lost anymore, I sobbed for I know God is calling me to do His will but I am to stubborn. I only look on my ugly situation, I only care about myself. While others are suffering and dying from starving, from the abuse of the evil, children are being forced to work for some countries, little ones who can’t see the beauty of life because they are abused, people who are broken and don’t see their worth so they end up hurting themselves, found their happiness in the wrong ones like pornography, smoking and alcohol and drug  addiction, shopping and everything they think will complete them. They are lost. And what am I doing? I live in fear, no confidence to speak about the truth, keeping to myself. Am I being selfish? I know the goodness of God. But I wasn’t on my self these years, I cried all the time to seek and know what was this thing that He wanted me to do. There is something inside of me that I know He wants me to share , to get out on my shell and see the world and do something..

“Why Not Me?” I want to be part of this ministry. Who wouldn’t like? But is this something God wants or just me? I prayed and told Him wherever I go, I want to be a channel of His blessings. I will speak what He says, I will go where He goes. At the end of my prayer  “I want to be with you” I want to know you more” ” I want to do your will” It doesn’t need to be in Logos Hope. All I want is to be with you. I was lost and weak because I didn’t want to follow Him, I lost my motivation because I only look at myself. But these days since I came to that amazing ship, God has been talking to me,  God has been shaking me and getting me back on track. He’s revealing me His words and promises to me “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

I believe that everyone is called for a specific task in this life. It’s just a matter of obedience. If it’s God”s will for me to be in the ship one day, it’ll happen and he will give me confirmation through His word, prayers, from the people around me. Just like one of the staff in the ship told us. For the meantime, while living in Aruba with a different culture and language, I have to know and seek my purpose here. I am sure that I am not only here for work. He’s been telling me to do something but I still didn’t. I pray and you can also pray for/with me that the Lord will give me the courage to do His will in this island.

I can say that the island is so beautiful. Life in here is easy and relaxing. Some Filipinos call this place as milk and honey place where abundance is present everywhere. I am thankful and grateful for that but life isn’t all about it. Aruba is called One Happy Island. Like what I have said I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation. But for me, this is also called “Temptation Island” where everybody is busy making money, making life very comfortable, relaxing, bars everywhere, prostitution in a certain place which is legal here. It is very comfortable that not everyone is willing to take time to gather for the name of the Lord. I honestly got used of being relaxed. But in my heart I know that this isn’t life for me. I want to see people , Christians who are willing to give their time for the work of the Lord, who can really take time teaching people about the knowledge of God, who worship God in Spirit &truth not a performance, I want to see a generation in this island who seek God and knows God’s holiness. IF I want to see it, I must begin to be one.

“Why me?” shouldn’t be ask this time. Should I ask “Why not me?” If God can use those missionaries in the ship mightily because they are willing and made themselves available? Why not me?” It doesn’t have to be in the ship. If God calls you, he will enable you. It would be great if one day I can participate with them but now my mission field is in Aruba. A revelation that God has been telling me that didn’t get in to me until Logos Hope arrived. Thank you so much for this ministry. You guys are amazing Logos Hope!! 🙂

An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Princess,

It’s okay to be not okay sometimes. What you are going through right now is not unplanned. God knows it and he knows what He is doing. I want you to hang in there. I want you to again see your worth. Negative thoughts, extreme sadness and feeling so low are not good, I know. But here.. “Now is not Forever”. There is a time for everything. Everyone experiences hardships and pains. Doubts and fears are so present in you right now but I know you know what to do about it. Open your heart again, open your Bible and remind yourself how God sees you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I understand if these past few days you have been struggling,  not doing anything, staying in room, not going out and procrastinate the whole day. It’s been two weeks, I’ve seen you suffer that long. I understand, but aren’t you getting up this time? That’s enough, Princess. You have to get up and pull yourself together.

Those choices and poor decisions you made are all in the past now, please get up and move on. Do not dwell on the past. People around you will say something, will judge you and even gossip about you but please be reminded that your worth doesn’t depend on their opinions. Let it be and let it go. Do not be too harsh on yourself. You are not a criminal. You are not what you think you are. You’ve been telling yourself that you are dumb, nothing and such a disappointment. Well, you are so wrong. It’s the enemy that keeps instilling those on your head. God doesn’t look at you like that way.

You are a jolly person, you are responsible, you are smart and you can do anything for God gives you strength. You are loved and highly favored. Don’t you remember all the prayer answered. Why are you so sad? Remember His love towards you, Princess. You asked for it, right? You wanted to experience having a parent around. God answered you. He brought you here in Aruba where you can see your father. One Happy Island? Yes, it’s not as happy when you were in the Philippines but admit it there are things in here that make you happy as well. Remember those and see the beauty of life. Enjoy them and be thankful.

Do you remember when you asked God to bring your siblings here? You were crying almost everyday asking God to bring them. God did. It was a great day to you and you were really grateful. See? God answers prayers, He will grant our requests in the right time. Unexpected and uncontrolled situation happened, your sister needed to go back to Philippines. It was an awful season to you and your family. But God helped everyone to get up. That’s part of His plan so you learned to let go. How about the request you asked about your first employer? Everyday was a struggle to you but you endured it for three years? You didn’t show to everyone that it’s really difficult because you focused on His promises. “He will not leave you nor forsake you, he will rescue you.” I can still remember how happy you were the night you took all your things out of that house. You can’t help but cry and whisper when you were in the car “I am free. Thank you, Lord” Tears fell. They were tears of joy. You persevered, you endured the years, Princess. It was not easy but you finished it. Because you can do anything. Don’t you believe that?

After that day, you went home to your father’s house. You brought all your things together with your heart, hopeful that there will be doors of opportunity coming. You needed someone to sign again for you for your next permit. You didn’t actually do anything but God sends your next employer right in front of you. He’s been faithful. I guess, He really wants you to stay in the island. You didn’t have any problem with permit. He loves you so. While others struggle to have permit, some were living here for quite some years and yet they don’t have legal permit. Here you are, enjoying all the freedom and benefits. God is good in your life.

Just last year, you received a monster blessing. Your US Visa was approved and you got to see your Mommy in the US. It was your first time to spend that long, one month with her after she left abroad when you were 5years old. Isn’t it amazing? God is so good to you. Other Filipinos were telling that only those who have resident permit can be approved. It means only those who have 10permits, 10years living in Aruba. You only had four permit that time. They also said that you should have a property here. You don’t have. There are a lot of reasons not be approved to be honest, but your visa still has been approved. I told you, You are highly-favored. That is for you. His gift for you. So pull yourself together and be grateful, count your blessings.

You have finished your contract from the second employer. They were so nice to you. It’s a blessing. Did God forget about you? He wants you to know that He is in control. Sometimes you think, you can’t handle things anymore but God shows His mercy and grace. Recently, you just got an appointment for  your next permit. Did God ever forsake you? No. He sends another one to sign for you, and you didn’t really chase for it. God is using people for you to see that everything is under control.

But didn’t you know why you got all the answers? These are some of His blessings to you. It’s not all. You had more. But are these enough to remind you He knows everything? He answered every single thing you asked, you know why? Today, I will remind you why. You got lost these past few days but today I will remind you again. It is because you BELIEVE. It’s already given and proven that God loves you so much. But God was delighted because you have believed. You let Him take control about everything and you just trust Him that He can do impossible things possible. When God says “YES” no one can stop him. He will fulfill his plans in your life no matter what. So why don’t you let him do it it again? believe again? Believing means even you don’t see the answer yet, still you stay calm and let him take control. His answers are on the way now. Behind the scenes, he is working. You can’t understand that now but sooner or later you will. He will reveal them to you. 

While you are waiting, why don’t you worship again. That’s what you usually do. You pour out your heart to Him no matter how difficult the situation is. Because you know that this is the only and best thing you can ever done while you are waiting — Worship. Thanking Him for all He has done in your life, giving him the glory for all the achievement you have received. Whatever his answers to your questions and requests,  you receive them freely because you are trusting him. Say these again to Him “I will still love you even it hurts””I will still choose you no matter what” “I want you in my life””I will worship no matter what the circumstances” You know when you worship, you found peace, joy and love, you found life. That’s where you belong, Princess. In HIS presence. 

So let it be. Let it go. Lay it all down. Trust Him. Believe that He has greater plans in your life. God believes in you so you have to believe in yourself again. These trials are nothing compare to what God has prepared for you in the future. Fix yourself, fix your eyes on Him again. He is all you need. Do not worry on what people may say. Listen to what God is telling you. So get up and be confident in Him. 

You are a Princess. His princess. His daughter. Smile and be confident. You are beautiful.

 ** I had to remind myself so I wrote these things on my planner/journal. Thank you for reading. Yes, I struggle but I will get up so I hope and pray for those who also experience the same thing, the letter is for you too. He loves you so. Love yourself too.

 Stand up, stand out and Shine!

 

-Princess

 

You Should Go and Love Yourself

I always wanted to write something about love. I just don’t know where, when and how to start. So, I am here typing and letting my heart out. Everyone wants to be loved, right? We long for someone who can be there to understand and accept who we are, spend quality time with us, embrace our strengths and our weaknesses, someone who can see beauty in us, someone who brings the best in us. That feeling of being accepted and loved is the best feeling ever.

But…to love is another story. Do you really know how to love? Is the love you think you are showing to your partner, friends, parents, family or any relationship you are with the right love, the right way of love? I will ask you again, do you really know how to love?

When I was younger, I got easily fall to someone I don’t even know. I had a lot of crushes (which is normal, I guess ! HAHA) I remember someone who broke my heart without him knowing because I got frustrated because he didn’t like me. I had a crush on him for a long time. I wanted to be liked, be attractive to him and be loved. I even thought that I would be the most happiest person on earth if he will be my partner. I do believe that everyone went through this kind of feeling. Puppy love. I was high school back then.

You started to feel ugly, not beautiful, unaccepted or unwanted when the person you like doesn’t like you back. Every kind of negatives will begin to overwhelm you. You start to look down on yourselves and instead of looking on the beauty within you, you only see the ugly ones that your mind is telling you. The worst, you compare yourselves to others. Insecurities will always be present when there is comparison.

When emotions overwhelm us, we become weak, sad and depressed. Anxiety attack! What do you do when you feel all this? I am not a Love Adviser or something, I am not like Papa Jack in Philippines who gives advice about love. But I am thankful that God had shown me what it is to be loved and to love. I am from a broken family and I grew up observing couples, married or anyone in a relationship because I always wanted to have a perfect relationship. I believe that any relationship can be right if we all know how to do it right. I wanted to share what I have observed and learned from my observation and personal experiences

LOVE YOURSELF

For you to love someone the right way is to first LOVE YOURSELF. Here’s the question for you? Do you love yourself? When I say love…

According to Google : “the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”

I am not gonna say that Google or the dictionary is wrong. This is right but I am gonna say this, you cannot love others unselfishly when you do not know how to love yourself. You can be good to others but you have to be good to yourself too. Do you accept yourself? your face, eyes, nose, lips, your body, your whole being? Your attitudes? Do you like everything about you? I believe, none of us will say YES, I do! All of us has insecurities somehow. This is my advice, do yourself a favor. LOVE YOURSELF. Our imperfections should not be the reason of not being yourself. There is no such thing as perfect people. Everyone has flaws but before anyone can accept you, accept yourself first. How? Try to look at all the good things in you. Discover yourself. Discover your passion. What are the things that you can do and makes you feel great? Do you even appreciate yourself. Well, there is warning in loving yourself. Do not be proud. I am not telling you to be selfish by loving yourself. Loving yourself is not being selfish it is self-love.

There are a lot of people especially women who live their lives insecure. Accept this: there will always be a person who is more beautiful, sexier than you, someone who is better than you. But there is only ONE YOU. And you gotta love that ONE YOU. Love yourself.

As you discover the good things in you, you will learn the meaning of love. This is only one of the ways of loving someone the right way. Stop looking down on yourself. There are so much in you that is bursting to be shared to the world. Believe that you are awesome. Stop comparing yourself to others. Go, love yourself. Remove that insecurities because that is not God wants you to live. Your heart will never be okay when you dwell on your insecurities. It’s okay if there are people who is greater than you. Just keep going and be the best version of yourself.

Easier said than done, huh? I observed when my heart is not okay, if I dwell and somehow enjoy my insecurities and all the negatives, I treat others negatively too. I judge them and I don’t see good in them. The way you treat other people is the reflection of yourself, the reflection on how you treat yourself. I remember when I used to be insecure and negative, my actions are all  a mess. I messed everything up. I hurt others by my words and actions and also hurting myself too. I ended up exhausted and almost giving up, I wasn’t able to see the beauty in me and others, my surroundings, everything is dark and gloomy. It was so tiring and I wanted to get out to that situation of my life. I asked God to show me how.

I won’t be shy if I said that I went through a deep sadness and depression. It was the very terrible days of my life, I even wanted to end my life. No one would ever believe when I say these words because they usually see me a jolly person. I love smiling to people and show that everything is okay. My smile is my cover that everything is just alright. I am a worship leader at church, so somehow they are looking up on me. Everyone thinks that I am just so fine and well. When I go home, alone in my room, I reveal myself , the real me to the ONE who helped me overcome all of this. I wanted to tell everyone I am not okay. But the Lord taught me to seek HIM alone. Only Him can understand how I feel.

Look at yourself the way He sees YOU.

To make it short, I started to seek HIM more and ask him to show me what’s really the root of all of this. His answer: See yourself the way I see you. He shows me who I am. Not only that, HE wants me to see how He sees me. He wants me to love myself the way HE loves me.

He sees me beautiful. 

Let’s start with this, I used to be so insecure. I didn’t accept myself. God’s definition of beauty is different from the world. Do not define beauty according to what you see in this world. When I was in Philippines, I can see and observe how people define beauty. When you are light or white, tall and sexy, you are beautiful. When you have branded clothes and stuff, you are attractive. When your skin is dark, you won’t be on the top list of beautiful ones. White or light skin is their standard to be beautiful. Whitening soap or pills are trending now in the country. Your environment affects the way you look at yourself, to be honest. Culture has a great impact to your whole being, as well. The world define beautiful differently.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:3-4

Inner beauty is the most important factor of being beautiful. I might not have the FHM body but what I will focus on having is a heart that’s great to God’s sight. And my heart is happy.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Guarding my heart is one of my purpose in living, for heart is the wellspring of life. When you guard your heart, avoiding all negative feelings towards yourself and others, you live happily and contented.

He sees you righteous.

This is taking too long, huh? Are you still there? 🙂 God is not counting your sins. If you have done mistakes, I want you to move on and be kind to yourself. God has been so patient to us, so be patient to yourself too. HE sees you a righteous one. He loves you. It’s so hard to imagine how God love someone who is so bad like me. If you are still reading this and you are that person who verbally declaring all the negative traits you have, I challenge you to speak the opposite. “I am a good person” instead of “I am bad” “I am loving him/her the right way”  instead of “I don’t love and he/she doesn’t deserve someone as dumb as me” “I am worthy” instead of “I am unworthy and undeserving of your love”.  Believe that God created you uniquely and wonderfully.

Knowing your identity in Christ is very essential in loving yourself. If you know how God sees you, how he loves you, you will begin to see yourself valuable and worthy, deserved to be loved. I might post in the future about your identity in Christ. 🙂

FINAL WORDS

If you are having problems in your relationship, I hope that this post can help you realize things. I am not that so good about this, but it is my joy to encourage someone. If you aren’t loving yourself yet, it’s okay. I am not judging you,and it is not too late to start. Look at yourself the way God sees you. He sees you awesome, righteous, wonderful etc. Your story is different from others. Your love story is different and unique, do not compare. You will be able to love your partner the right way if you begin to discover yourself, to love yourself. If you fail to love yourself, it would be difficult for you to love others. Get rid of all the negatives you’ve been feeding your mind and heart. You are not a mess. Do the right thing because God has given you all you need, you just have to choose to do the right thing. Go, and LOVE YOURSELF.

***
I want to re-read this and edit but I am so sleepy but I want to publish this immediately so, I apologize if my sentences are not good. Thank you for reading! Enjoy! 🙂 I am also willing listen to your stories. Blessings!

-Princess

 

Aruba, You are Beautiful

 

Last week, I had a chance to walk/jog with some of churchmates.Everybody has problems in life but when you get out and see how beautiful God’s creation is, you won’t feel any anxiety or sadness. The beauty of Aruba calms my heart. I have to embrace the place where I am. God leads me here and I have to joyfully seek His will and do His will. 

Exercise is good for your health.It is also good for your heart! It’s really beautiful. This is the beach at Renaissance Park.

Yes, I am the youngest but I feel so at home and comfortable with them because they are cool. I thank God for them. The place becomes more beautiful with awesome people around

God brings us to a place where he doesn’t lead. I am trusting God for today and tomorrow and for the next days. Thy will be done. 

Bunita! It is a papiamento word means beautiful. Aruba ta Bunita. 

Of course, lastly, I thank God for who I am. I have flaws but because of His great love, I still feel loved, accepted. This is one the days where I need to remind myself no matter what happen, God loves me and He remains faithful. 

#photoblog

Tuesday Random Thoughts

Everybody wants to be accepted and loved. Everyone wants attention and care. I admit sometimes I am trying to find my satisfaction from people, from my parents, friends and love ones or special someone. I want their time. I long for their love but the more I expect from them, the more I get disappointed. I ended up becoming bitter towards them.

Bitterness and eventually turned to brokenness. I started to think that no one loves me and no one cares. The result: I give up on loving people even those people who didn’t do anything wrong to me.I held that love that suppose to be shared and shown. God wants us to love unconditionally. But it is our nature to love with conditions. God is the only one who love that way –perfect, unending, without expecting anything in return. Well, I guess I didn’t understand that before.

I can be desperate for someone’s attention. But at the end of the day, our gracious God will let me feel that no one else can touch my heart like he does. Why am I looking for anyone’s attention? Why am I wanting to be accepted? Why do I want to look attractive? Do I need those to gain people’s care and love? No, of course not. God wants me to be me. because he loves me as who I am. And there, His touch will change everything I feel. Knowing I am not alone. I am precious in His sight. I am the apple of His eyes. He knows everything. He knows me so well. Nothing is hidden, he knows every detail of my life. So, why should I be ashamed of what I feel? I can be real in His presence.

I am thankful whenever I feel this, whenever I feel unaccepted, unattractive and ugly. “U” things HAHA. Why? Because it is a reminder that  I am accepted because He said so. There are people who love me as I am. I thank God for that. I am attractive. He gave me this heart towards HIM and he looks into our hearts. Every time I see how people looks on the outward appearance, I remind  myself that inward beauty is the essential part of living. Physical beauty will fade but a person who has a good heart will shines and lasts. For me, that’s the real beauty. If people won’t notice that, does it really matter? No. Because we live for our King and he will be honored if we will continue to guard our hearts. If our purpose in life is to give God the glory, these things don’t matter. Your heart is.

I feel sad and bad for ladies who cry over men who don’t even notice them. I understand them completely, I did and do feel that sometimes. We chased, we stalked, we waited but seenzoned. HAHA 🙂 But it doesn’t define us, right? It doesn’t mean you are ugly. Maybe God is sparing us for the wrong person. Maybe God wants us to seek Him earnestly and asked Him for a man/woman He wanted us to be with. And trust Him more. I don’t know why I am thinking this stuff but today is one of those days I couldn’t stop my thoughts, an urge to share. Well, everybody is free to share their thoughts. So, if you are reading this, thank you and I really appreciate you visiting my page.

My point is. God loves us the way we are. You do not need to be someone else. You do not need to impress someone. Because God sees you beautiful. You are awesome. I wonder if God also feels that butterflies in stomach whenever we see our crush, when he/she replies on our messages, enjoys being with that someone we love. I think so, He must be really happy when His children, His brides enjoy His presence. So, instead of trying so hard to be accepted by anyone, be reminded that you are already accepted. You are loved. You are wanted.  Enjoy God’s beauty. Be filled by His love towards you.

Prayer:

God, I thank you for you never reject me. You love me as who I am. When I think about all my weaknesses and flaws, I can’t help but cry and ask why on earth you love me. But it is your nature. You delight in showing your love, grace and mercy. Whenever I want someone to comfort me, help me to run to you. Whenever I long for someone’s time, help me to give my time in praying and reading your Word. Whenever I feel hopeless, let me see your beauty, your grace and let me be amazed all the time. I know I made and will make mistakes, but God, you are all I need in this life. I want to seek you with all my heart. Thank you for I know you do not miss a thing, you notice me and you see everything. Father, I give my heart to you. Help me to understand your love so I will love myself and others. Help me to see myself the way you see me. Beautiful. Complete me and I give my all. Take over. Amen

***

Thanks for your time reading my post. I pray that God will speak to you. If you are one of those who feel unaccepted and unloved  I would love to listen and pray for you. Inbox me 🙂

-Princess 

Pag sumama ka sa aking biyahe, iaalay ko ang puso ko!

Weh? Di nga?

Ngayon araw na ito, naalala ko nung bata bata pa ako na sobra akong naloka sa ‘Meteor Garden’. Talaga naman in love na inlove ako nun. At dahil dyan… nasa mood ako today kantahin yun tagalog version ng theme song nila. “Biyahe”

Pero ito ay short clip lang, chorus lang ang bagay na kantahin dahil for male singer ito. Ganun pa man, if nasa mood ka naman pakinggan, ma-aapreciate ko ang pakikinig mo. Maraming salamat 🙂

Tara sakay na, biyahe na tayo. HAHA

Biyahe Cover

Princess

Bakit ba ako nandito?

Sinusubukan kong tapusin ang mga write ups ko na na-tengga na sa Drafts. Isa to inumpisahan ko. Ako ay napangiti nang nakita kong pamagat lang pala ang naisulat ko dito. LOL. Bakit nga ba ako nandito?

Sa apat na taon ko dito, patunay lang na hindi pa rin klaro sa akin ang dahilan kung bakit ako nandito. Nakita ko naman ang mga pagbabago sa buhay ko. Ang ilan dito ay maganda pero hindi rin makakaila na meron or mas marami ata yung hindi maganda. I do not want to sound complaining about my life. But if I will be honest with you, mas marami ata ang masakit na nangyari dito.

OFW. Di ko naman siguro kelangan pa isa isahin ang hirap ng isang OFW. Talaga naman kasing para tayong lage nasa battle, laban ng laban. Hangga’t kaya, sige lang. Pero dumarating talaga yun mga oras na hindi mo mapigilan hindi maging malungkot at alalahanin mga naiwan mo sa Pinas.

Dinadaan nalang yan sa tawa at sa panonood ng Koreanovela. Aba mahilig naman kasi talaga ako dyan. Bukod sa ang popogi nila at makikinis, talaga naman maganda ang stories ng mga Korean series lalo na pagdating sa pag-ibig. Ang pure kasi. Kaya marami ang nawiwili dito dahil lahat naghahangad ng fairy-tale love story. LOL 🙂

So Bakit ba ako nandito? :

  1. Dahil kay Papa

Lahat ng mga OFW ang major reason nila ay ang makatulong sa family financially. Syempre yun din dahilan ko, di ako gaya-gaya HAHA pero alam naman natin na ang hirap talaga ng buhay sa Pinas, diba?

Pero isa sa mbigat na dahilan ko kaya ako nandito ay dahil gusto ko makasama si Papa. Bata palang ako OFW na ang parents ko. Broken family din ako dahil din dyan. Hindi ko naman sila masisi pero isa akong product ng broken family. Kung maganda siguro ang buhay namin noon, hindi na kailangan mang-ibambansa ang Mommy. Oo, sya ang unang umalis. 6years old ako noon. Sad truth, hindi ko talaga na experience yung Mommy-daughter moment. Kasi naririnig ko lang sya sa voice tape pa noon. Nararamdaman lang sya sa mga packages, yung pakiramdam na binabalot nya yung mga padala nya sa amin. Di pa uso skype noon and hindi pa techy mga tao. So, buwan ang hihintayin bago mabasa mga sulat namin.

Mahirap ba yun? Aba syempre hindi… hindi ko makaka-ila. Mahirap at masakit. Sa picture mo lang sya napagmamasdan. Kinailangan rin umalis ng Papa, that time ako ay nasa High School na. Third year HS ata ako noon. Pero dahil nga nagkakalabuan na rin sila Papa noon, umalis din si Papa pero ibang bansa din. At dito na nga yun sa Aruba.

Marami na ang nangyari pero gusto ko din linawin na wala akong galit sa mga magulang ko. Tanggap ko na at mahal ko sila kahit ano pa man ang mga naging desisyon nila sa buhay. Bilang isang anak, ayaw ko isumbat sa kanila ang mga naging pagkakamali din namin dahil wala sila sa tabi namin upang gabayan kami. Dahil naniniwala ako na ang lahat ng pangyayari sa buhay natin ay may dahilan.

Ang haba na nito no? Andyan ka pa ba? So to make it short, I wanted to feel having parents beside you. Kasi matagal tagal namin di naramdaman yun. Maniniwala kaba kung ang tanging dasal ko lang noon bata bata pa ako ay ang magkaroon ng ‘family picture’? Simple lang siya pero malalim, mahirap makamit. 🙂

Sa kagustuhan ko mapalapit sa magulang ko dahil sa paniniwala na magiging kumpleto ako pag maramdaman ko na kasama ko sila, nagdecide ako na magtrabaho na din abroad. At alam mo ba na hindi naging madali sa akin iwan ang comfort zone ko? Dun ako nagkamuwang, nagkaroon ng kaibigan, nagmahal at minahal at nagkatrabaho na akala ko hindi pa enough.

Dahil kay Papa kaya ako nandito. I want to be closer to him. Pero alam mo ba na malungkot ako? Hindi ko kasi alam if na-aapreciate nya yun. Hindi ko alam if ramdam nya na mahal ko sya. Hindi ko alam if proud ba sya sa akin. Siguro one day, malalaman nya din na kahit ganito ako ngayon. Nasa bahay lang ako ngayon isang buwan na, jobless. HAHA balang araw magiging proud din sya sakin.

So, may isa pa akong prayer. Si mommy naman. Bago man lang ako magsettle down (naks! ikakasal na ang bata), maranasan ko naman ang Mommy-daughter bonding. Sapat na siguro ang kay Papa, though alam kong kulang pa. Pero I know Papa loves me at mga kapatid ko, lahat ginagawa nya para sa amin. Alam ko na kahit hindi man sya showy, mahal na mahal nya pa rin kami.

2. Para sa kanya

Maarte.’para sakanya pa’ nalalaman. HAHA. Nakilala ko dito ang mapapangasawa ko. So, kaya ako nandito ay para makilala ko sya. O diba? Ang magbabago ng takbo ng buhay ko at apelyido ko. Boom! Wait… wag nalang makasiguro baka pagdating sa dulo hindi rin pala matuloy at sasama na rin ako sa mga organisasyon ng mga single na sumisigaw ng “Walang Forever”

3. God alone

All for God’s glory. Nandito ako para patunayan na kahit na anong hirap ng buhay hindi pa rin magbabago ang katotohanang ang Diyos at tapat kailanpaman. Mahirap maging katulong kahit na tapos ako ng pag-aaral. Pero dahil nga kelangan ko mag-comply sa rules nila dito, tiniis ko. Sa mga panahon na iniiyak ko ito sa Kanya, isa lang napatunayan ko. Never ako iniwan ng Diyos. Sa bawat patak ng luha at pagtawa ko Sya lang ang nagiisang may alam ng tunay na laman ng aking puso. Sige seryoso na to. HAHA Basta ang sinasabi ko langh. Bakit ko nakakya lahat? Kasi andyan si Lord.

Kung binabasa mo pa din ito, salamat po. Naapreciate ko po ng sobra. God bless you!

-Princess in Aruba

Remind yourself: He wants to be with you

God is not mad at you.

Whenever we made mistakes or wrong decision, it is difficult for us to run towards Him, and we started to have negative thoughts, we run away instead. We begin to think that we are not deserving of His love and guilt overpowers us . The tendency, we enjoy living in sin. Because of our belief that HE is mad at us, we fall into the trap of unbelieving mind and heart. I do not want to say things to make an impression that I know everything. Of course not. I am still in the process and learning more about the truth and knowledge about God. But what I know is, God is real. His faithfulness and goodness and love were proven from the beginning up to today. But, we sometimes overlook that the enemy is also real. He will do everything to bring us down.

To be honest, I am so careful on what I am going to write about this. I may not be a scholar in Bible school or a theologian but what I have learned from Him that keeps me going is to always remind myself my identity in Christ and who He is. Whenever I sin against him and hurt him by the wrong decisions or giving way to enemy to destroy my being, I run to His promises. He is always faithful to forgive my sins.

Believe that God is not against you. He is for you. He wants to be with you.

Romans 8:31-39New Living Translation (NLT)

Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love

31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[a]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Do not hesitate to come to your Father. He is always ready to accept you and listen to you. NO matter what you do, He will never stop loving you. Be happy!

I declare joy, peace and love be upon you today! God bless you.

Dahil sa kanya pakiramdam ko pangit ako!

Minsan nagkukwentuhan kami ng kapatid ko at mga pinsan, bigla namin napagusapan ang High School life sa Pinas. At may naalala ako bigla, isa rin yun sa dahilan kung bakit pakiramdam ko sa sarili ko noon ay pangit ako.

Kapag Intrams Day or Intramural, may mga iba’t ibang pakulo ang mga students to add some fun and fund raising na rin para sa iba’t ibang organization na kinabibilangan nila. Habang ang mga laro ay nagpapatuloy, may mga ginawa rin sila iba’t ibang booth tulad ng “Marriage Booth” na kung saan kunwari may ikakasal, may magrerequest na kukunin nila ang taong ito para ikasal kay ganito. Meron din naman yung blind date na same procedure pero nakapiring kayo, pwedeng pagtitripan lang kayo ng tropa or nirequest talaga ng isa sa kanila para makasama nya ang crush nya. Atbp.

Hindi ko matandaan kung paano kami naging partner ng isang lalakeng yun na hanggang ngayon hindi ko makalimutan ang ginawa nya. Hindi ko rin matandaan kung sino ang nagpakulo noon. Basta ang natatandaan ko… ganito yun.

Naka-piring kami dinala sa isang room (adnun din ang ibang students), magme-meet kayo dun at paghahawakin ang mga kamay nyo. Ako naman, hindi naman ako masamang tao, kung sino man may kagagawan nun naki-ride on lang naman ako at hindi ko din ipapahiya kung sino man sya. So, hawak kamay… naramdaman ko nalang na bumitaw sya sa kamay ko ng pagalit or para bang may tinapon na gamit na ayaw nya.

Nauna sya nagtanggal ng takip sa mata nya. At yun ang una nyang action na para bang nandiri sya sa akin. I felt so embarrassed. Una, wala naman akong planong something romantic sakanya. It’s part of the kalokohan ng mga students. Naki-ride on lang ako. To be honest, hindi ko matandaan kung crush ko ba sya noon or what, kung may ganun naman, dapat ba na ganun ang maging reaction mo sa babae? Pangalawa, hindi sya pogi I realized. HAHA Sorry.

Kahit sino pa man yan kahawak kamay mo hindi mo dapat ginaganun ang isang babae. Ayaw mo man dyan o gusto, hindi ganun ang dapat na pagtrato. Ngayon ko lang naisip na magsalita, dati kasi tahimik lang ako, hindi ako lumalaban. Pero kung meron lang akong tapang noon, siguro kinausap ko sya about this.

Dahil sa mga ala-ala noon, I searched him on Facebook at nakita ko sya. Hindi nalang ako magmention ng name. Pero kelangan ko na rin sya patawarin, tanda ko na o! Haha 🙂 Bata pa kami noon. Pero grabe, isa yun sa dahilan kung bakit mababa ang self esteem ko dahil napaniwala ako ng mga negative thoughts na hindi ako attractive or maganda. Yung tipong hindi ka kelan man magustuhan ng mga lalake. But it was lie. Lahat tayo ay maganda at pogi in God’s eyes. And sa mga previous posts ko, I really emphasize beauty within hindi sa panlabas lamang na kaanyuan. God looks into our hearts at mas magandang pagandahin higit sa lahat ang puso natin.  Kung ganun man ang tingin nya sa akin, pangit,  ayos lang din kasi natuto ako na mahalin ang sarili ko at tanggapin ang pangit at embrace ang mga magagandang traits na meron ako.

Move on na ako? HAHA Naikwento ko na e. Pero isa yun sa mga nakakahiyang sitwasyon nung High School ako. Bitter ba? Hindi na.. kasi hindi na ganun ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. God made me believe that I am unique and precious in His eyes. He loves me as who I am and bonus, I found people who accepts me for who I am.

Ngayon,may malaking bonus pa ako, taong nagpatibok ng puso ko.. Haha 🙂 Yung kahit sa tingin ko pangit ako para sakanya maganda ako. Yung ipaparamdam nya sayo araw-araw na maganda ka. Inside and out. Yung hindi ikakahiyang hawakan ang kamay mo sa public places, i-kikiss ka sa noo kahit nasaan kayo. Hahawak sa kamay mo at ikikiss nya randomly. Yung hindi magsasawa iparamdam sayo na kahit na may mga weaknesses or flaws ka, tanggap at mahal ka nya at higit sa lahat yung nagpepray with and for you. And when he prays, he always mention how blessed he is and thankful to God that he has someone like me? O diba? Ako na mahaba ang hair!  Thank God

Ang sitwasyon nung HS na yun ay isang part ng story ko para mas maappreciate ko kung ano ang meron ako ngayon. Nakwento ko lang naman to! Okay na ako.

Sa mga High School friends ko? Kilala nyo ba ang tinutukoy ko? Haha I forgive him anyways. God bless! Nakakamiss ang High School life. 🙂

-Princess

Congratulations! Your Visa has been approved

“We are going to Georgia and you guys need to apply for visa” our Pastor told us. I am currently attending at Church of Zion Aruba covered by Congregational Holiness Church which is based in Griffin, Georgia. As a part of the praise and worship team or music ministry, I needed to join. Well, not really required, we are not forced though. But wait… it’s America? Let’s be all real, everyone wants to go there, everyone dreams to go there especially for ordinary people like me. I have been living in Aruba for 4 years now. I have known some Filipinos who’ve been here like 10years, 20 years or more, some are already Dutch Passport holders.

What are the requirements to be approved? Oh okay..If it’s not for business purpose and you only want to have visa for pleasure or holidays. Here’s from what I have heard from others and I used to believe.

  1. You should be a 10year resident.
  2. Your bank account, if you are a single should at least have 10 thousand guilders.
  3. House and lot property
  4. Car
  5. Good Job position with a good salary

So, I believed I am not qualified.

  1. 4 years living in Aruba and still renewing permit every year
  2. I just opened my bank account. I do not have a lot of money
  3. NO house and lot property
  4. NO car, not even a license.
  5. Household worker, no payslip given

Will I dare to try? Yes. Why? Here’s what I can boast about and believe that I am qualified.

I HAVE A BIG GOD!!

After worship service last Sunday, May 29, we (other churchmates) traveled to Curacao. Our appointment date for U.S. Visa interview is May 31st. In total, we 7 people from Church of Zion who will be applying for visa.

It is easy for me to be negative but this isn’t planned. I was about to cancel my application due to financial issue. I couldn’t afford. “Ptr, I might cancel my application” I messaged him. But after that, I know in my heart God wants me to go and try. I prayed. “Lord if its your will, you are our Jehovah Jireh, our provider, so If its your will, you will provide” Few minutes later, one of our church mates messaged me. She also applied for an appointment for Visa. We were talking about the requirements and I told her that I already messaged the pastor that I am cancelling. And she asked why. I told her. To make it short, she offered help and I was able to join them to Curacao. With the help of my brother too, he provided my pocket money and for accommodation.

I am not poor. HAHA. God is rich and he promised to never leave me nor forsake me and he proved that how many times.

Monday, We walked to the down town in Curacao. It was nice. We also went to the Aquarium and Dolphin Academy. I liked it. Fun. Dinner at Kyoto Japanese Restaurant. There are Filipinos working there. It was so good to see Kababayans 🙂 They are nice people.

It was a long day, we went back to the hotel and we prayed and worshiped God. Preparing our hearts for the interview, declaring that it is all about God. We will do it for God’s glory. We will minister to Georgia and it’s just a bonus if we have some pleasure there. But the main goal is, we will do ministry there and meet other fellow Christians. We claimed that we are all approved.

At night when we go on our respective beds. I was talking to God and really amazed how God made things beautiful. I am a pessimistic person. I am sad to admit that but there were times I think more of negatives. Well, people did not really notice that. Only God knows the real me. His grace covered me. I am a worship leader, I love worshipping God through singing. It is my passion and nothing and no one can stop me by doing it. It is my life. When I worship, things changed, my views, my perspective, my heart is full of His peace and joy. Who would not want to be in this place, in His presence. As we pour out our hearts towards Him, He is pouring our His presence to us. And His presence is a life to me.

But I would also admit that there were days the enemy is trying to occupying my heart and mind with negative thoughts. I fight and God is fighting for me as well. I believe. That evening. I prayed again “Lord, I rebuke all this negative thoughts, they are not from you, help me sleep and relax tonight so I would be able to answer questions with gladness and peace in my heart.”

I slept good. Thank God! The moment I woke up, God spoke to me “You are approved” I smiled and really smiled.. Happy because I heard him and secondly, I have peace and joy. I relaxed the whole morning and waited to be interviewed.

3 Questions:

  1. Do you work? What is your job?

Yes. I am a household worker in Aruba. I smiled 🙂

2. You are working for a family? How long you’ve been working with them?

1 year last February

3. How long you’ve been living in Aruba

4years

 

The interviewer asked questions to my brother and other 2 church mates. We were blessed because all the questions regarding church and all were asked to the first batch, other members of the church.

“Okay, Congratulations Your Visa has been approved, follow these instructions.”

Yesterday we received our passports. Thank God. Georgia here we go! 🙂

What else can I say? What a mighty God we serve. HE can do impossible things to possible. And God is truly amazing in giving us favor and grace. Praise Jesus!