While browsing, I read a post from The Daily Post and I was motivated and inspired to join the weekly challenge. This is my first time 🙂 Let me give it a try
Raison d’être is a French term, meaning “the reason or justification for existence.”
Why do I write? Why do I blog? Why am I here? What on earth I am here for? WOW! Actually these questions were walking and playing around my head for a while now.
As a beginner, I actually do not know why I am doing this. At first, I just want to give it a try but it suddenly been a cry of my heart to write more. I would admit that there were days that I just want to stop writing, deactivate WordPress account and just simply live my life. Will still continue writing, though… in my journal. But there was like an urge in my heart to write online, the reasons were unclear..
Am I the only one who has a low self-esteem? Am I the only one on earth who cry excessively for many reasons and none? Am I the only one who is not confident about herself and started to feel unworthy and a nobody? Am I the only person who lives on this earth having this depression and anxiety? Am I the only one who has a low self confidence? I bet there are many.
I was a maid for 4 years and it was really hard to believe in myself that I can do better than cleaning. I graduated with a bachelor degree but there are reasons why I chose this path. It is not something I chose for it is what I wanted.Of course, not. Do I look down on the job? Definitely not. Did I look down on my self? Yes. I had no choice. I needed to endure it for the sake of “working permit” so I can stay in the country/island, Aruba. I am an overseas worker. I left my country Philippines for the belief I could earn more money and help my family. Helping them is not bad, in fact, it was awesome. There is just this pain in my heart that I wanted to do greater but I could not. A deep longing whenever I am alone in my room for God’s joy and peace everyday. I write because I felt helpless and I wanted my voice to be heard. I wanted to let the people know who are experiencing the same that there is a way out. Low-self esteem, depression and anxiety, feeling unworthy and useless, they must end before these can destroy your heart and whole being. I was at the end of the rope but I am grateful because God is faithful.
Whenever I write, I feel different. I am somebody. I feel smarter and confident. My voice has been heard, the cry of my heart has been perceived. When I am weak, I find strength in writing. It is my escape. Writing is something I would never stop doing, online or offline, publish or unpublished because this is one of the ways where I see myself as somebody. The princess who is stronger in the midst of any trials. The one who can smile in front of others as if there are no heartaches. I know a lot of people who is very good in covering them through laughing and smiling; I am one of them. It is not bad at all but when I write, I cannot hide it. What I write will most of the time reflects on what I feel.
I won’t give the credit to writing alone but to the God who speaks to me to do so. I write not only because of oneself’s expression but to inspire others and use this to reveal what God has done to me. During my years as a maid, I have learned a lot, I had rough days..a lot! 🙂 But those years are just a part of the journey, God shaped me to a person I became now, he comforted me, he rescued me, he healed me and now I have a story to share. My name is Princess and my raison d’etre is to write to express, inspire and give God the glory.
What’s yours? 🙂