It’s been a while, I know. I haven’t been writing on my blog these past few months. Well, who would notice, anyway? My last post was about getting myself back on track. I wrote an open letter for Princess, myself. It’s kind of connected with this post.
“Why Me?” “Why are you sending me here?” Why am I even here?” Living in Aruba for quite some years, the Lord might be tired of hearing me asking these questions to HIm? As if they weren’t answered. I can tell that God reveals His answers but sometimes I am just busy thinking about the situation without even realizing He’s been answering all this time. If only I take my time listening and hearing His voice instead of complaining and murmuring about the circumstances.
“Why Me?” I heard this again today from the missionaries we’ve met in the ship called LOGOS HOPE. It is a non-profit organization, international ship which brings knowledge and hope through literature. They sell books and at the same time ministering to people by their kindness and care to the people coming in the ship. You won’t only be happy by all the books in the library but also by their genuine and pure hearts that inspires me to keep believing and seeking God. Their passion in sharing hope and love of God is very exhilarating.
I’ve heard about it a long time ago but I didn’t have a chance to visit the ship. It visited Philippines, I believe. But I wasn’t able to go. Logos Hope was here in Aruba 7 years ago and I wasn’t here yet that time. Last April 21 up to today, May 7 they’re here in the island. And I am really blessed to have experienced the uplifting ambiance and admiring hospitality of the crew members. I needed this for all the seeking and healing process I’m going through. God just really know how to comfort me. Just in time, never early and never been late. Perfect timing.
I went in the ship like five or six times since they arrived in Aruba. I bought some books and they are not expensive. Thank God! The first day I went, I was really really let me repeat again.. REALLY in awe. Looking around, observing every single crew in there doing their task for this ministry melt my heart once again. They are not paid. They are volunteers who gave their time and efforts, their lives for the Lord, following their calling in their lives and doing the will of God – sharing the good news. There are 400 or more crew members in the ship. Different nationalities and culture. They are meeting the world in the ship, actually. Isn’t it fascinating how God unite these people together with different languages and yet they have the common understanding that makes them united. JESUS. The love of God for them and for the people.
I think it is one of the bravest thing to do in one’s life. Leaving your family, love ones and your career behind for the sake of following Christ. Some of them are professionals but they left their good jobs because they are called to seek the One and be the light to the World. They don’t think about the position but they have the hearts for service. A heart of a servant. They are doing what God’s will is. – to go and share the Gospel. These people are doing the right thing. Selflessly obeying God in their lives. Who wouldn’t melt their hearts towards these people?
“Why Me?” There will be times they will ask God why they are sent there. They are humans too. They feel sadness and loneliness as well. Homesickness will be very overwhelming for sure. But they are holding to God’s promises. They still find peace and joy. The more they feel it the more they run to the Lord which makes them more closer to Him. God’s revelations and wisdom are very active to their lives because all they do is to seek God in their lives while staying in the ship. They have personal and group devotions, worship times, lessons, Bible studies and discipleship lessons. And I love all these things.
One of the crew members is having a hard time ( I think everyone over there experience this) she was tired and sad, she went to the prayer room,grab her guitar, cried out and ask God, “Why Me?” She can’t speak English so well, She just started learning for nine months now. One of the requirements if you want to participate with them is you can at least understand and speak English at a reasonable level. God still sends her there, anyway. For the reasons? I don’t know why. I’m sure that this is her training ground for more greater things in her life. And after days of crying to God, HE sent someone for her to be her teacher in English. They are now like sisters, caring for each other, building each other up. And yeah.. she is doing great because she can actually converse with other person now. When God calls you, HE will enable you.
Listening to their stories makes me ask a different question this time. “Why not me?” I admire them so much. Their courage and for being brave are inspiring. The third time I was in the ship, we attended a prayer event called “Pray for the Nation” we prayed for some unreachable countries like North Korea, Venezuela and more to open doors of opportunities to share the good news. We also prayed for what the world is going through like poverty, addiction, slavery, human trafficking etc. that people would know that there is hope in life. JESUS is the answer. He is the only one who can heal us within. And after the event, we got home and all. I was about to sleep, turned off my lights, but my heart is still overwhelmed. I prayed and I cried so hard like a baby on my bed. I needed this. I needed that moment. I missed that time where my heart’s only desire is to obey Him , to seek Him and to love Him. I was like a baby crying and telling him everything I feel. I felt so bad for not doing anything for His kingdom, I felt so sorry for not loving the lost anymore, I sobbed for I know God is calling me to do His will but I am to stubborn. I only look on my ugly situation, I only care about myself. While others are suffering and dying from starving, from the abuse of the evil, children are being forced to work for some countries, little ones who can’t see the beauty of life because they are abused, people who are broken and don’t see their worth so they end up hurting themselves, found their happiness in the wrong ones like pornography, smoking and alcohol and drug addiction, shopping and everything they think will complete them. They are lost. And what am I doing? I live in fear, no confidence to speak about the truth, keeping to myself. Am I being selfish? I know the goodness of God. But I wasn’t on my self these years, I cried all the time to seek and know what was this thing that He wanted me to do. There is something inside of me that I know He wants me to share , to get out on my shell and see the world and do something..
“Why Not Me?” I want to be part of this ministry. Who wouldn’t like? But is this something God wants or just me? I prayed and told Him wherever I go, I want to be a channel of His blessings. I will speak what He says, I will go where He goes. At the end of my prayer “I want to be with you” I want to know you more” ” I want to do your will” It doesn’t need to be in Logos Hope. All I want is to be with you. I was lost and weak because I didn’t want to follow Him, I lost my motivation because I only look at myself. But these days since I came to that amazing ship, God has been talking to me, God has been shaking me and getting me back on track. He’s revealing me His words and promises to me “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4
I believe that everyone is called for a specific task in this life. It’s just a matter of obedience. If it’s God”s will for me to be in the ship one day, it’ll happen and he will give me confirmation through His word, prayers, from the people around me. Just like one of the staff in the ship told us. For the meantime, while living in Aruba with a different culture and language, I have to know and seek my purpose here. I am sure that I am not only here for work. He’s been telling me to do something but I still didn’t. I pray and you can also pray for/with me that the Lord will give me the courage to do His will in this island.
I can say that the island is so beautiful. Life in here is easy and relaxing. Some Filipinos call this place as milk and honey place where abundance is present everywhere. I am thankful and grateful for that but life isn’t all about it. Aruba is called One Happy Island. Like what I have said I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation. But for me, this is also called “Temptation Island” where everybody is busy making money, making life very comfortable, relaxing, bars everywhere, prostitution in a certain place which is legal here. It is very comfortable that not everyone is willing to take time to gather for the name of the Lord. I honestly got used of being relaxed. But in my heart I know that this isn’t life for me. I want to see people , Christians who are willing to give their time for the work of the Lord, who can really take time teaching people about the knowledge of God, who worship God in Spirit &truth not a performance, I want to see a generation in this island who seek God and knows God’s holiness. IF I want to see it, I must begin to be one.
“Why me?” shouldn’t be ask this time. Should I ask “Why not me?” If God can use those missionaries in the ship mightily because they are willing and made themselves available? Why not me?” It doesn’t have to be in the ship. If God calls you, he will enable you. It would be great if one day I can participate with them but now my mission field is in Aruba. A revelation that God has been telling me that didn’t get in to me until Logos Hope arrived. Thank you so much for this ministry. You guys are amazing Logos Hope!! 🙂